Winter Blues

I loathe winter. Its dreary, cold and wet. When it starts to turn cold I feel like hibernating. I seem to thrive in the sunlight. Summer is my time of year. This is a hard time of year for me for many reasons. I really don't like the time from Halloween to New Years. Its cold, dreary and stressful. 


Summer for me is the best time of the year. Its sunny, bright and warm. When I wake up in the morning and its sunny and bright I am ready for the day. When I wake up and its cold and dreary I just seem to get into a funk. I cant explain it but I am definitely affected by the weather. 


The holidays for me haven't been fun for years. Halloween can be fun to watch the kids dress up and get candy but it can also be stressful because sometimes the cost of costumes can be ridiculous. Luckily Jordan is flexible and Conor and Emma really don't know or care yet.


Thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite holidays. I like food, I don't deny that. I like turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy, but again this day can be stressful. For our family this is difficult because both of our parents are divorced. They really don't want to be around each other which also makes birthdays difficult. Last year I think we went to my mother in laws. We also went to my moms. I'm really tired of going to so many places so this year I want to make my own small turkey with all the fixings. Plus I make my food a little differently and I'm looking forward Mike and I getting into the kitchen together and making our first Thanksgiving meal together. We may not have a lot of space but we can make do.


Christmas is by far the most stressful time of year for me. We struggle throughout the year and Christmas is just one more reminder that we are mostly broke. Michael usually gets a bonus at Christmas and we are able to use that to give our kids and some others the best possible. The other reason I don't like Christmas is that they start pushing it in your face in late July. Its really annoying. Last year on Christmas day we went to my moms, my grandpas, and my mother in laws house. We went too many places and I refuse to do that this year. This year I want to see people on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas but not on the day. I want to spend that day relaxing with my family. 


On top of all this the weather stinks. Last year we had a major snow blizzard and we were basically stuck in the house for 2 weeks. Back in 2007 we had a major ice storm that left us without power for 2 weeks. I DO NOT like to be cold. I know most people say "you can put on more clothes than you take off" but for me it seems that no matter how many layers I put on I'm still cold. My toes go numb even with boots and thick socks on. Predictions for this year are already talking at least a major snow storm like last year maybe even a severe ice storm. Luckily we have a Jeep with 4 wheel drive (although with the transmission going out that may not do well this winter) so at least Michael is able to get out and get us items. 


My sister moved to Tolleson, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix and ever since Ive been so envious. Its the perfect  environment for me. Bright, sunny and warm. Michael loves the idea of moving there too. Being that close to the Grand Canyon is exciting for me. He likes the idea of being able to go out and go hiking at a moments notice. But like the dreamers we are we also talk about moving to Cardiff, Wales. Its a beautiful place. The only downside for me is the weather seems to be mostly rainy and dreary. But the upside to living there is the beauty and the people. Ive been looking into the possibility of moving there but it would have to wait until the kids are grown. 


I am aware that I seem to suffer from what they call seasonal affective disorder: 

• Afternoon slumps with decreased energy and concentration
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Decreased interest in work or other activities
• Depression that starts in fall or winter
• Increased appetite with weight gain
• Increased sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness
• Lack of energy
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal

Although I have never been formally diagnosed with this I definitely have all the symptoms. I am trying to combat them with getting out even though I hate being cold, not eating a ton and exercising. That's about all I can do for now. Maybe someday I can move somewhere warmer where this wont affect me anymore or at least not as much.

Im Just Plain Sad......

This is my Grandpa Earl Wayne Kemp. He passed away on October 6th, 2011 at the age of 91. I wasn't very close him. But in the last few years he had talked more to me than in my entire life. Most of my life he had worked. At Sun Oil Company and the Tulsa State Fair. He and my Grandmother, Roberta had been married 71 years.

When I was a kid I would come to visit and stay the summer with my grandparents. I loved coming to visit. My grandma and I were close but I remember doing some things that involved grandpa. Since he worked the Tulsa State Fair we would always get to go and see all the sights and eat the food. I cant say that I really know all that much about my Grandpa Kemp. He was very quiet. I don't think he said ten sentences to me my whole life. But in 2009 my Grandma Kemp passed away and I would take the kids and go visit him. He loved my kids. That much I know. He and Conor shared a birthday, November 11th and I know he thought that was special. He loved Jordan too and even enjoyed seeing Emma. I liked to go visit. We never really talked about anything important.

Now that hes gone I am even more saddened when I go by their house. My grandparents built the house in 1953 I think. Its the cutest house. Painted dark red with three bedrooms, two bath and a nice sized yard. It originally had a one car garage but it was turned into a bedroom years ago, so it really has 4 bedrooms. I have always loved that house. As I got older and got married and had kids my grandma and I would often talk about the house. She told me on numerous occasions how she wished I could have it. But due to a reverse mortgage she couldn't "will" it to me anymore. I understood and although I was sad about that I had always thought we might be able to have it after all. Now that grandpas gone the house goes back to the bank. Mike and I don't have the best credit but we always pay our rent on time, unfortunately mortgage company's don't look at that. I just wish someone was willing to give us a chance to get started. I love that house so much. It has so many memories. I walk through it and think about all the times I got to stay there as a kid, all the Thanksgivings and Christmases, watching my Grandma cook in the kitchen and sew in the middle bedroom. I miss them so much. I'm not sure whats going to happen to the house. I want it to stay in the family even if its not us living there. I just cant imagine some stranger living in the house my Grandparents built and lived in for almost 60 years. I'm just praying that all the pieces fall into place.

Ill miss him everyday. Although we weren't close I know he loved me and he loved our family. All of us. All the grand kids and great-grand kids. He was a wonderful man. I wish I had known him more maybe I could have asked more questions. But you always think you have more time than you actually do. It just reminds me that I should cherish the family I have alive now and try to get to know them more. I know that Earl and Roberta are reunited again and that someday I too will see them again.