Playing Favorites?

 I was having a discussion recently with my husband about the kids. What kind of personalities they have, what kind of examples we're setting and so on. My oldest is not my husbands biological son yet he treats him as if he is. I started thinking about how we treat the kids. Mainly how I treat the kids because I am with them all day. I wondered to myself do I have a favorite? As I sat and though about it other questions came about. Do I treat them equally? Do I like one more than the others? After much thinking I came to the conclusion that I do not. I do not have a favorite. I love them all the same. I like to be around all of them the same. Yes at times one may get on my nerves a little more than the others but this is nothing that lasts long. Its more about what kind of mood I'm in not that my kids annoy me.


I have two boys and one girl. Emma is a baby right now and I love to hold her, watch her and dote on her. I have told the boys many times that I did the same things when they were babies. I try my best to spend time equally with all of them although right now Emma demands more of my time. I know a few families where there is obviously a favorite. One child that always gets his/her way. The other kids have to go along or risk getting into trouble. I HATE this. Yes I used a strong word because I like things to be fair. I realize that life isn't fair and my children will learn this along the way but in our house we try to make things as fair as possible.


I do realize that each child is different and that you have to parent accordingly. But I'm not going to let one child always have his way and expect the other ones to stand by and never get theirs. I read an article recently on this topic, here what it said:

"Unfortunately, the consequences of parental favoritism are what you might expect - they're mostly bad. Disfavored children experience worse outcomes across the board: more depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poorer academic performance. These repercussions are far more extreme than any benefits the favored children get out of it (negative things just have a stronger impact on people than positive things). And it's not all rosy for the favored children either - their siblings often come to resent them, poisoning those relationships.

Many of these consequences persist long after children have grown up and moved out of the house. People don't soon forget that they were disfavored by their parents, and many people report that being disfavored as a child continues to affect their self-esteem and their relationships in adulthood.

To make matters worse, parents are even more likely to play favorites once their children are grown up, sustaining the toxic family dynamics (e.g., bad feelings, sibling resentment). The causes of the favoritism, however, are a bit different once the children become adults. Parents still favor daughters and less deviant children, but they also give preference to children who live closer, share the parents' values, and, not surprisingly, have provided the parents with emotional or financial support. Nearly all parents worry about whether they play favorites. But even when parents vow to treat their children equally, they soon find that this is just not possible. Every child is different and parents must respond to their unique characteristics appropriately. You shouldn't react to a 3-year-old's tantrums in the same way as you would to a 13-year-old's. You can't deal with aggressive children in the same way as passive children. Even identical twins can't be treated identically. When it comes down to it, every child wants to feel like they're different, not clones of their siblings. The best parents can do is stay aware of any differential treatment they give and try to be as fair as possible."

I happen to know personally of some parents with adult children who obviously favor one child over another. This is shown with time spent with that adult child and money given to that adult child because they for whatever reason cannot seem to support themselves. I don't claim to be perfect. I just hate favoritism. I know that I have faults when it comes to be a parent. I try everyday to give my kids what they need. Love, discipline, and time. I am trying to raise good kids. Kids that will grow up to be hardworking and loving people. There are lots of things I want for my kids and I pray that I will be able to provide them with what they need.