Why Im glad my husband had an affair.

I know what you're thinking: what??? How can you be glad your husband had an affair? Let me clarify and take you back 12 years. 

The year was 2000. I was preparing to get married to a guy I have been dating off and on for 4 years. I thought I was getting married for life. I thought I would be happy if I got married. Just a few months before I had been dating someone else. Someone I felt was my soul-mate. Someone I loved more than anyone else but he wasn't ready to be married so I broke it off and got engaged to someone else. I got engaged out of spite. Not a good reason to get married, I realize this, but I was young and thought that's what I wanted/needed.

We were married in October 2000. I was about a month pregnant with what would be my first son. Before we were married we moved in together. What a mistake. Now I know this isn't the case for everyone but I should have seen the red flags while we were living together. We fought all the time. There was always something he didn't like. He worked late at a grocery store. He worked there for years and then his work got choppy. He bounced from place to place. We too bounced from place to place. We moved every year we were married. Five different places. I had our son in June of 2001.

Almost immediately our relationship changed. I mean I knew it was going to change but not like it did. I started to realize that he didn't want to be married. I wish he would have just told me this before we got married. It could have saved me years of heartache. He would be out until all hours of the night. On top of that he wasn't holding down a steady job. Then he got this bright idea for us to move out to a house in far north Tulsa. For those of you who don't know north Tulsa isn't known for the safest neighborhoods. What a mistake that was. We lived there a year before we were robbed. I came home one night to a house with all the lights on. Thinking my ex was home I went in only to discover the backdoor wide open all the dogs in the house and all of our stuff overturned. I was so upset. I called the police and within two weeks we moved. I wanted to move quickly but the only place I could find fast and in our price range was a little house off of Gilcrease Museum Road. Not a much better neighborhood but I just wanted away from where we were. So we moved into what I would call a dump. The house was tiny, dirty and had no heating or air conditioning. Looking back I'm just glad we didn't sick from living there. Here's where things really started to unravel.

My ex and I had always had problems but they only got worse as time went by. By April of 2005 I had had all I could take. The last straw was him coming home at 5 a.m. I made up my mind then and there that I was leaving. When he came home I told him I was leaving and not coming back. He said "ok." I called my mom to see if I could move back home and then called his parents to tell them I was leaving and to ask if they would help me get all my stuff out. They agreed and a few days later I was all packed up. I moved in with my parents and started saving money to get my own place. Within a few months I had my own place. In the mean time my ex kept calling me wanting me to work things out. My gut kept telling me to say no. 

Mothers Day 2005, I needed to go back to the house my ex and I had shared to get a few things I had forgotten. My sewing machine and a mouth cover for my dog. I knocked when I got there and he didn't answer so I used my key. When I walked in he came rushing out from the back and asked what I was doing. I told him what I needed and he said he'd get it. I told him that no I would get it because he didn't know where to look. He insisted and that's when I got suspicious. So I asked him what was going on. I finally had to elbow him in the gut when he wouldn't let me go back to the bedroom. I made my way back there and that's when I saw her. A woman, sitting on my bed. I asked her "who the **** are you?" She asked back who I was. I said," I'm his wife." She looked stunned. I could tell she didn't know. The house we lived in without my stuff just looked like a bachelor pad. I got what I went for and ran out. Telling him I was now officially filing for divorce. A few days later I hired a lawyer.

I later found out from his parents that he had been with her since early in 2005. The affair had been going on for months maybe longer. I have never felt so betrayed. Shortly after I moved out, she moved in. Around this time, Summer of 2005, I got an email from the man I felt was my soul-mate. He said he heard that I was getting divorced and did I want to talk. I of course said "yes!" We started sort of seeing each other here and there. By Christmas of 2005 things were really heating up. He asked me to marry him. In January of 2006 his grandmother died and we hit a snag. I had my own place and he was sort of living with me. Then in April of 2006 he decided we should take a three month break. I was like whatever, I'm done. When the three months were up he called me and we got together to talk and he said that he'd missed me and all he wanted to do was get married. I said ok and that was it. We had to wait until 6 months after my divorce was final so in September of 2006 we were married.

We have been married for 6 years. We've had two additional kids, a boy and a girl. Things haven't been easy but our love is strong. So you see, if my husband had never had an affair, I wouldn't be married to the love of my life. Its possible I would have missed out on all the wonderful and glorious things that have come from our marriage. I love everyday that we are together. Even when we have a little tiff. He is my rock, my love, my everything. I miss him all day and cant wait until he gets home. I cant wait to see what the next 6, 16, 26 or 60 years will bring. Michael Ryan you are my soul-mate and best friend.