From City to Country and Back Again

The Country is NOT for me! I should have known better, but it was very appealing. But lets face it, I am a city gal. I was born and raised in the city.

In June of 2013 we made the decision to move to a town here in Oklahoma called Oologah. Its about 45 minutes outside of Tulsa. At the time it seemed like the right decision and I really felt like God was leading us out there. He was, but not the reason I thought at the time. Ill get to that in a bit.

The first year out there was really nice. It was a huge change from the bustling city of Tulsa. Gone were the sounds of sirens several times an hour and the Wednesday testing of sirens. I no longer heard cars with bumping sound systems. It was quiet, peaceful and beautiful. I made some friends. Being a homeschooling family made things awkward as I only knew of one of other family in the whole town who homeschooled. But Claremore was only about 15 minutues away and I was able to find a group of homeschool moms there. The kids seemed to like being in a place we could go the lake when we wanted, go hike on the trail or hit the local shops.

I hear all the time about people who think moving out to the country would be so great. Here's why it wasn't for me. 1) The driving long distances every time I needed something major. Yes Oologah has a grocery store but its way over priced. 2) The money we spent on gas was ridiculous. Mike driving to work everyday and then anytime I wanted to do something with the kids Id have to think about did I have enough and gas and if not could I afford gas. 3) Our utility bills were sky high. I'm guessing this was because the house we were in was super drafty but still. 4) THE ISOLATION! I know some people might find this appealing. However being far away from family and friends was hard. When I needed something I had to think about who I could ask to drive all the way out to us. Not to mention the fact I was 20 minutes from the nearest hospital. I know that doesn't sound far but a lot can happen in 20 minutes. Being away from family and friends was even harder on my kids than me I think. 5) The clicks, and by clicks I mean people who grew up in the town their entire lives. It was like being in a giant high school. Not all people are like that mind you but I did run into this. Especially when I told people that my kids are homeschooled. Anyway its a small town so what can I say. 6) BUGS! The house we were in had so many bugs. Not to mention the giant yard we had to care for, with a push mower. I am so tired of ants, spiders, wasps, mice, large field mice, bees, and mosquito's. Now I realize all these things are in the city, but it felt amplified out there.

 A few months after that first year I felt a change. I started to really miss the Westside of Tulsa. Mikes childhood side of town and the place where I felt I grew up. We had talked about buying the house in Oologah but the longer we were there the more we realized it was not in the best condition. We started to talk moving and buying.

The first thing I did was get us qualified. Once that was done I found a realtor. I wanted someone who not only knew the Westside but lived here too. I found one and she was great! She worked with us and was always there if I had a question. She took me around to look at what seemed like a ton of houses. I fell in love with two of them immediately but by the time I drove all the way back to Oologah they had contracts. I started to think we'd never find anything in time. I asked my loan guy how much we were qualified for and was happy to discover it was more than we had been looking at. So I started to look again and that's when this house popped up. In the neighborhood I wanted to live in. I called my realtor one night and asked if we could see this house and she met us that night! The second I stepped into it I knew it was the one. Spacious, open, updated and in our price range we signed a contract and the next day they accepted our offer. And a bonus: we did it all on our own. We didn't borrow from anyone or anything. I am beyond proud of my husband because hes the one that facilitated this whole thing. Without his wonderful job and hard work it wouldn't have happened. As I said in the beginning, God sent us to Oologah for a reason. I believe that reason was so we could save enough money to buy our own home.

It took about a month start to finish and we came down to the wire. We closed the same day our lease was up. It was a crazy process I do not want to repeat anytime soon but so worth it. Mike and I finally have a place that's really our own. We are blessed enough to share it with my mother in law and kids. Through the whole process she was there to watch the kids, talk to us about this and that and just pray for us, which we needed desperately. I cannot begin to explain the feeling of not being on top of each other. Just today Mike remarked how everyone seems calmer and happier since we moved. I couldn't agree more. God had blessed us with this beautiful opportunity. In return we will be returning to church and making our home a haven.

I want to thank all those who prayed and helped along the way. I look forward to the years ahead with my family here.

E.S.F.J- Learning More About Myself

 Awhile back I saw a quiz that would tell me which Myers Briggs personality I have. I took it and discovered that I am an ESFJ: the caregiver. E: extrovert, S: sensing, F: feeling, J: judging. As I read the description it was like me on paper. I was surprised and not surprised at the same time.

Here's me in a nutshell. An ESFJs primary mode of living is externally where you deal with things according to how you feel. Your second mode is internal. We are people persons. We are extremely good at reading people and understanding their point of view. ESFJs take their responsibilities very seriously and are very dependable. We value security and stability. ESFJs are warm and energetic. We need approval from others to feel good about themselves (a trait I do not like). We are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. We are giving people and get a lot of satisfaction from helping others.

With extroverted feeling dominating their personality we have a strong need to be liked and in control. We are extremely good at reading others and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they are with at the moment.

ESFJs value system is defined externally. We have very well-informed ideas about the way things would be and not shy about expressing them. ESFJs have a strong moral code.

ESFJ strengths:
- put forth a lot of effort to fulfill duties and obligations
- warm, friendly
-service oriented, want to please others
- responsible and practical
-generally good money managers
- traditionally minded and family oriented

ESFJ weakness: 
- generally uncomfortable with change
-extreme dislike for conflict and criticism
- need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
- have a hard time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to take the blame on own shoulders
- have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
- don't pay enough attention to themselves and may be self sacrificing
- may use guilt manipulation as a way to get what they want


As I read through all this I started to feel bad about these descriptions. I did not realize just how sensitive I am and that sometimes this is a hindrance. I read through all the other Myers Briggs personality types. Every time I take the test I get ESFJ.  Through this I have also discovered I am an ambivert more than I am an extrovert. I have both tendencies. I like to be around people but there comes a time when I really just want to be alone and do something that I want to do.

There is a large part of me that sees being an ESFJ embarrassing. I wish I was less feeling, less worried about if people like me or not. I have been this way my whole life but only as an adult am I able to put a name to it. I remember being in high school (at a school I didnt fit it at) wishing I could be a different person so I could have had more friends. Even now as an adult I find that rejection stings just as much as it did back then and I struggle with my feelings when I find out someone really doesnt care for me. I wonder, why doesnt this person like me? What is it about me? Did I say the wrong thing, do something wrong or what?

I just recently went through this with someone I thought was going to be a good friend to me. I helped her do a lot of things, offered my services to help organize and move things, offered to help her around town, hang out, etc. Instead she attached herself to another mutual friend and pretty much ditched me. It made me feel very low and I keep wondering why. I decided to put her permanently out of my life. Yet I still think about it.

I do not like being this kind of needy, sensitive person. I know it is who I am yet I have always identified myself as an independent person who is strong and can get through anything. Maybe I am a little of both. I am having a hard time accepting that I am ESFJ down to the last letter. I think I have trouble with it because it makes me sound shallow. I hate that I need approval from others to feel good about myself. I really am trying to change that.

I guess I wrote this so that people that know me will get a better sense of how I function.