Here We Go Again.....

Well here we go again another year is literally around the corner. We are just hours away from a new year. 2011 is all but gone and a new year approaches. This year was.....interesting. Lots of things happened this year some good and some were just bad.

January was a good month. My sister gave birth to her first baby, Hugo Paul. She lives in Arizona so I didn't actually get to meet him until September, but I saw lots of photos and were able to Skype from time to time.

In February my other sister Rebecca had her baby, Marshall Alexander. He was born during the 2011 blizzard. She just lives next door so we are able to see him whenever we want. He just loves Jordan.

April was one of the bad times for us. We found out that Mikes mom Marilyn was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer. She had surgery, radiation and chemo. On top of that she developed a horrible staph infection that resulted in having to have a wound vac. She been staying with us for bit while her wound heals and she goes through more chemo. We are glad to have her here and the kids love it.

In May we took Marilyn to Silver Dollar City with Mikes sister and her kids and husband. The trip was okay. Everything at the park was fine but on the way home we were coming through Joplin Missouri only to be sidelined by a tornado. A bad tornado that leveled parts of Joplin. We decided to stay the night in Carthage and drive home the next day. What a great decision that was. We made it home safely and refreshed.

June was a good month. Jordan turned 10. I cant believe hes already that old. Only 8 more years and he'll 18.

July was Mikes birthday and another birthday with Marilyn.

August Marilyn had her surgery. Its was extensive but they believe they got it all out. Shes currently on chemo just in case. My mom also got remarried. Her and her husband eloped. Hes very nice and Im glad she finally found someone to make her happy and to take care of her.

September was a milestone month. Our little girl Miss Emma turned 1, we celebrated 5 years of marriage, and I got to meet my sister Ericas baby when she came to visit. One year went by so fast. We had a huge party for her compliments of Mikes cousin Tami who let us host it at her house. She growing like a weed. Shes smart and feisty. She has a loud personality and I love it.

Five years may not seem like a long time to some people but its a big deal for us. Mike and I have been off and on for years and years. It took us about 10 years to finally get together. I love him so much. Hes an amazing man. He works very hard to provide for our family. Hes working hard to get ahead at the place hes currently working. It will means a lot of overtime but it will also mean financial security for our family. I think 2012 will be a very good year for us. He is great with the kids and takes care of me in a way that makes me beam. I am so proud of him for wanting to better himself to make our lives better. I see our future very bright.

October was fun and sad. Halloween was good. But the sad was my Grandpa Kemp passed away. My Grandma Kemp passed away in 2009 and things have never been the same. Long story short I decided it was time to cut out certain family members who have always made me feel like trash. But Halloween was good as usual.  Jordan dressed up as leatherface, Conor was wolverine and Emma was a strawberry. We took the kids to Boo Ha Ha on Brookside and then to a local church for trunk or treat. Everyone seemed to have a good time. Mike and I are hoping next year to dress up ourselves, heck we may even get to go out.

In November Conor turned 4 on Veterans Day. It was kind of sad because it was also my Grandpa Kemps birthday. Of course November was also Thanksgiving. This was one of the best Thanksgivings that I could remember. We decided this year to just stay home and eat just us. Mike made the turkey and it was amazing. It was nice to just be the 5 of us.

December has been a pretty good month so far. Mikes job looks like its getting ready to significantly improve and we found out that we'll be able to move into the house across the street where we will have more space.

I love the idea of a new year. It means that we get to start over and to try again. I believe that 2012 will be a wonderful year for us. Mikes job, moving, a new car and finally being able to get to the gym (thank you Katy Stubblefield) and lose this weight. We've also chosen a church, finally and will be able to get our lives straight there too. A new year holds much promise and I look forward to another year with Mike to continue to grow together and to watch my children grow and learn.

Happy New Year!!!

Sometimes....Family Sucks!

Yes, I said it. Something I think we all think from time to time. Sometimes family sucks. I mean the extended family that you only see once a year or only at holidays. Sometimes we have family we don't want to be around but have no way of avoiding them. For the first time in my adult life I an taking the leap and cutting certain family member our lives.

A short recap as to why I would completely cut off family. About two months ago my grandpa passed away. My grandmother had already passed away about 2 1/2 years ago. Before she passed she talked about how she wanted us to have certain things and how she didn't want anyone fighting over stuff once they were gone. Well fast forward 2 1/2 years later to when my grandpa passes and that's exactly whats happened. There are things in the house my grandma said I could have. Things in the house that certain people want and then there is everything else. My grandparents had four girls. My mom is the youngest. All our lives for as long as I can remember we have been treated like the "white trash" of the family. This experience with my grandparents house has just reiterated it. Recently my mom asked for certain things and instead of just giving them to us the other sisters have gotten together and decided to hire an estate company to come in and price everything to hold an estate auction. Anything we wanted we would not have to buy. Its stupid. My grandparents had some nice furniture but most of it is just normal furniture. Not worth anything and most of it is more than 20 years old. I think they're just being vindictive. What makes it worse is that one of the sister professes to be this strong Christian, but her actions lately haven't been very Christlike.

My moms three sisters, their kids and some cousins are no longer welcome in my life. I will never allow my children to feel like they are less than anyone else. I do not want toxic people in my life. I have friends who treat me better than my family does sometimes. My grandmother would be rolling over in her grave if she knew how they'd been acting. Oh well. I always say what comes around goes around. They'll get it in the end.

Just What We Wanted

Thanksgiving, an American holiday where we eat ourselves into a stupor and sleep all afternoon. Well some of us anyway. Every year we get together with our families and eat and thanks God for all we have. For some of us this time of year is a chore. Some of us are forced to spend it with people we dont like to be around more than once a year. Some people dont have anyone to spend it with. Others spend it with loved ones that they havent seen in years and really enjoy seeing.

For years I have been spending the holidays with various people. When I was a kid I spent it with my parents. As I became a teenager and lived closer to family, we spent it at my grandparents. My grandparents and all my aunts and uncles and cousins would get together at their house and we'd eat and visit. It was usually a day I would somewhat look forward to. As I got older I started to notice things about my family and the day became less and less fun. (But thats a story for another time). Then I got married. My first husband and I spent it with his family and my family splitting the day in two. That became a huge chore. Sometimes we spent the day apart. Him with his family and me with mine. I got remarried about 5 years ago and of course the first question was "what are we doing for the holidays?" The first Christmas that Mike and I were together I took him to my Grandmas house for Christmas dinner. I distinctly remember the uneasy feeling I had taking Mike. It felt like everyone was thinking "why is she here with this guy when her divorce isnt even final yet?" (Mike is my soulmate and I felt like everyone could stuff it).

The next few years we went to my parents house, his parents house and sometimes his sisters house. Both our parents are divorced so that became more places to go. The things about going to other peoples houses is its never "home". If you dont like the food you have to eat it anyway or you look rude. You cant get comfortable because your wearing clothes that arent. Theres always the worry that your kids will start acting up.

This year I begged Mike to stay home and cook our own meal. Mikes dad and mom are divorced, as are mine, so its become potentially 5 places to go and I just didnt want to do that. Mikes mom has had health problems so this year is especially different. After talking about it we decided that we would stay home and cook our own turkey and all the things to go with it. The week before Thanksgiving I realized our bank account was really low and we didnt have much food. I was really concerned because Thanksgiving was before payday. I asked people to pray and my friend Katy came through. She had a friend at work who had a turkey and when I went to her house to get it she had all the things I would need for Thanksgiving dinner ready for me. It was so great.

Thanksgiving day came and Mike and I got up early and got the turkey into the oven. We were worried that it wouldn't turn out good. Late in the afternoon I heard the red button pop and it was time to get the turkey out and start carving. It was the best turkey. Moist, juicy and most important of all, hot. We had a small meal. Turkey, rolls, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, corn, cheesecake, pound cake, cookies, pecan pie and apple pie. My sister in law brought down fudge as well. We ate and just sat around visiting. Since it was just us there wasn't much clean up which was nice. I think for our first time cooking it turned out wonderfully.

I know there's a lot to be said for spending time with family for the holidays but it was so nice to just be at home eating food that I like, in comfortable clothes, watching what we wanted. If I had my way we would do this every year. I don't know what next year will bring but I sure enjoyed this year.

Four Going on Fourteen

I should have written this on Friday but was distracted with a lot of other things. So here goes.


November 11, 2007 I gave birth to my middle child, Conor Kael. He was born at 6:33 a.m. I had arrived at the hospital at about 3 that morning. I had been having contractions since Friday and this was now an early Sunday morning. I again opted for no epidural. The contractions were really bad when I got there. Before I knew it it was time to start pushing and within a few pushes here he was. 


I was nervous when I first found out I was pregnant, as most women are. Michael and I had only been married for 5 months when I found out. But I was more nervous about how Jordan would react. I had gotten remarried and was now having another baby within a matter of months. I didn't want him to think I was trying to replace him. Jordan wanted a sister but when he found out he was having a brother he got more excited. They've been pretty close ever since he was born.


Conor Kael Morrison. Conor means "much wanted" and Kael means "mighty warrior". He definitely has the spirit to be a mighty warrior. Conor is so different from Jordan. Jordan is very laid back and quiet. Conor is high strung and loud. Its been a challenge, I wont lie. Ive had times when I thought "oh my gosh I just want to send him to boarding school." Of course I would never really do this but i do get frustrated with his arguing, fit throwing and screaming.


But on a better note hes funny and super smart. I truly believe his I.Q. will be so much higher than mine it wont even be funny. Hes scary smart sometimes. He says things that I think only an older child should be saying. Hes amazing. Hes articulate and literal. I am blessed to be his mom. I think he can only go up from here and I'm excited to see what he does with his life.


So Happy Birthday to my little guy, Conor Kael.

Winter Blues

I loathe winter. Its dreary, cold and wet. When it starts to turn cold I feel like hibernating. I seem to thrive in the sunlight. Summer is my time of year. This is a hard time of year for me for many reasons. I really don't like the time from Halloween to New Years. Its cold, dreary and stressful. 


Summer for me is the best time of the year. Its sunny, bright and warm. When I wake up in the morning and its sunny and bright I am ready for the day. When I wake up and its cold and dreary I just seem to get into a funk. I cant explain it but I am definitely affected by the weather. 


The holidays for me haven't been fun for years. Halloween can be fun to watch the kids dress up and get candy but it can also be stressful because sometimes the cost of costumes can be ridiculous. Luckily Jordan is flexible and Conor and Emma really don't know or care yet.


Thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite holidays. I like food, I don't deny that. I like turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy, but again this day can be stressful. For our family this is difficult because both of our parents are divorced. They really don't want to be around each other which also makes birthdays difficult. Last year I think we went to my mother in laws. We also went to my moms. I'm really tired of going to so many places so this year I want to make my own small turkey with all the fixings. Plus I make my food a little differently and I'm looking forward Mike and I getting into the kitchen together and making our first Thanksgiving meal together. We may not have a lot of space but we can make do.


Christmas is by far the most stressful time of year for me. We struggle throughout the year and Christmas is just one more reminder that we are mostly broke. Michael usually gets a bonus at Christmas and we are able to use that to give our kids and some others the best possible. The other reason I don't like Christmas is that they start pushing it in your face in late July. Its really annoying. Last year on Christmas day we went to my moms, my grandpas, and my mother in laws house. We went too many places and I refuse to do that this year. This year I want to see people on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas but not on the day. I want to spend that day relaxing with my family. 


On top of all this the weather stinks. Last year we had a major snow blizzard and we were basically stuck in the house for 2 weeks. Back in 2007 we had a major ice storm that left us without power for 2 weeks. I DO NOT like to be cold. I know most people say "you can put on more clothes than you take off" but for me it seems that no matter how many layers I put on I'm still cold. My toes go numb even with boots and thick socks on. Predictions for this year are already talking at least a major snow storm like last year maybe even a severe ice storm. Luckily we have a Jeep with 4 wheel drive (although with the transmission going out that may not do well this winter) so at least Michael is able to get out and get us items. 


My sister moved to Tolleson, Arizona, a suburb of Phoenix and ever since Ive been so envious. Its the perfect  environment for me. Bright, sunny and warm. Michael loves the idea of moving there too. Being that close to the Grand Canyon is exciting for me. He likes the idea of being able to go out and go hiking at a moments notice. But like the dreamers we are we also talk about moving to Cardiff, Wales. Its a beautiful place. The only downside for me is the weather seems to be mostly rainy and dreary. But the upside to living there is the beauty and the people. Ive been looking into the possibility of moving there but it would have to wait until the kids are grown. 


I am aware that I seem to suffer from what they call seasonal affective disorder: 

• Afternoon slumps with decreased energy and concentration
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Decreased interest in work or other activities
• Depression that starts in fall or winter
• Increased appetite with weight gain
• Increased sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness
• Lack of energy
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal

Although I have never been formally diagnosed with this I definitely have all the symptoms. I am trying to combat them with getting out even though I hate being cold, not eating a ton and exercising. That's about all I can do for now. Maybe someday I can move somewhere warmer where this wont affect me anymore or at least not as much.

Im Just Plain Sad......

This is my Grandpa Earl Wayne Kemp. He passed away on October 6th, 2011 at the age of 91. I wasn't very close him. But in the last few years he had talked more to me than in my entire life. Most of my life he had worked. At Sun Oil Company and the Tulsa State Fair. He and my Grandmother, Roberta had been married 71 years.

When I was a kid I would come to visit and stay the summer with my grandparents. I loved coming to visit. My grandma and I were close but I remember doing some things that involved grandpa. Since he worked the Tulsa State Fair we would always get to go and see all the sights and eat the food. I cant say that I really know all that much about my Grandpa Kemp. He was very quiet. I don't think he said ten sentences to me my whole life. But in 2009 my Grandma Kemp passed away and I would take the kids and go visit him. He loved my kids. That much I know. He and Conor shared a birthday, November 11th and I know he thought that was special. He loved Jordan too and even enjoyed seeing Emma. I liked to go visit. We never really talked about anything important.

Now that hes gone I am even more saddened when I go by their house. My grandparents built the house in 1953 I think. Its the cutest house. Painted dark red with three bedrooms, two bath and a nice sized yard. It originally had a one car garage but it was turned into a bedroom years ago, so it really has 4 bedrooms. I have always loved that house. As I got older and got married and had kids my grandma and I would often talk about the house. She told me on numerous occasions how she wished I could have it. But due to a reverse mortgage she couldn't "will" it to me anymore. I understood and although I was sad about that I had always thought we might be able to have it after all. Now that grandpas gone the house goes back to the bank. Mike and I don't have the best credit but we always pay our rent on time, unfortunately mortgage company's don't look at that. I just wish someone was willing to give us a chance to get started. I love that house so much. It has so many memories. I walk through it and think about all the times I got to stay there as a kid, all the Thanksgivings and Christmases, watching my Grandma cook in the kitchen and sew in the middle bedroom. I miss them so much. I'm not sure whats going to happen to the house. I want it to stay in the family even if its not us living there. I just cant imagine some stranger living in the house my Grandparents built and lived in for almost 60 years. I'm just praying that all the pieces fall into place.

Ill miss him everyday. Although we weren't close I know he loved me and he loved our family. All of us. All the grand kids and great-grand kids. He was a wonderful man. I wish I had known him more maybe I could have asked more questions. But you always think you have more time than you actually do. It just reminds me that I should cherish the family I have alive now and try to get to know them more. I know that Earl and Roberta are reunited again and that someday I too will see them again.

Wood and Daisies

                              Michael and I before his prom in 1996

Wood and daisies are traditional gifts given for the 5th anniversary. Five years ago today at this time I was preparing to marry the love of my life. I met Michael Ryan Morrison in 1993. I met him at Carbondale Baptist Church and almost instantly I was in love with him. He has always had a hold on me. Ive always been amused and mesmerized by him. We dated off and on for years, starting in 1995 when we sat on the back porch of his uncles house on fourth of July and talked about getting married someday. It took 10 years for us to finally get together permanently. In those 10 years I married and had a baby and Michael used that time to grow up a bit.  

In early 2005 I left my first husband due to him finding another. For me it was a blessing and a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Within months I received an email from Michael asking me out.  I couldn't believe that after all that time he still wanted to be with me. By Christmas 2005 we were engaged. In early 2006 his grandmother passed away and he went through a lot. He was very close with her. He decided in April 2006 that we should take a three month break. I was done. At that moment I decided that I couldn't go through with it anymore, the back and forth. I had a kid now and couldn't put him through that. I told him I was done doing this. Then one day in June 2006 I checked my voicemail and I heard his voice. I melted. He was calling to tell me that he had wanted me back and would I meet him at his apartment. I called him back and met him later that day. I went into his apartment and said " I don't know what you think we have left to discuss." He said " I just want to marry you." I said "okay". And that was that. We were married in September 30th, 2006, my grandparents anniversary. They were married 70 years when my grandmother passed away. 

                           Michael and I on our wedding day. Showing off our tattoos. 

Our wedding was small but perfect. We wrote our own vows. His were great they made me cry. We had a small reception and then went to a hotel and watched tv and just hung out. When we got to the hotel he said "we should have done this 10 years ago." I said "yes but it was worth the wait."

The last 5 years have been amazing. We've added to the family twice. Our children are amazing. We've been through a lot of stuff in the last 5 years. Some good, some bad. But through it all we've had each other. We've weathered the storms and I believe we can make it through anything. I know that the next five years and beyond will be ones that will most likely have storms as well but nothing we cant handle together. He is a wonderful husband and father. 

                      Michael and I this past spring, a little older but still so in love.

We may not have a lot of money, time or things but we have each other. We have love and friendship. We have each other. Here's to a lifetime of love and laughter.

Emma Jane's First Year

This time last year I was at the hospital about to give birth to my beautiful daughter. I cant believe its been a year already. Time has flown by so fast. Here's her first year in pictures:

Michael and I decided to try for a little girl in early December 2009. I took my pregnancy test on January 4th. This is in March.

I was convinced that I was having another boy. I went in by myself for the ultrasound. I wanted Mike to go but he couldn't get off work. The ultrasound tech told me I had better up my registry. I was shocked to say the least and happy beyond measure. I took the photo up to Mike at work. He was so happy. Right up until her birth I couldn't believe it.

This picture was taking 13 days before I had her. I felt like a cow. The last few weeks were brutal but it was worth it.

Emma Jane Morrison born at OSU Medical Center at 9:18 a.m. Weighing in at 8lb 12oz and 21 inches long. Right after I had her I heard Mike say "It really is a girl."

Mike holding her for the first time. He is so in love with her. He is a wonderful father.

Conor and Jordan the day I brought her home. They too love her very much.

Emma at three months old. Shes been smiling almost since birth. Shes a very happy baby. I am so blessed.

Emma at four months old. I think I surprised her.

Emma at five months old. I love to dress her up and take pictures. I think she is beautiful.

Emma at seven months old.

Emma at 10 months old. Shes started pulling up and standing on her own.

Emma's 1st birthday cake.

We had a little get together yesterday for Emma's birthday while my grandma is in town. She loved the cake (who wouldn't?). She played with her cousins and seemed to have a really good time.

I am so happy to have had a little girl. They are so much fun. I love my boys too though. The last year has been great. Watching Emma grow and learn. Having her here really makes our family feel complete. Michael is so in love with her. She is loud just like her mom. I hope she'll be strong and independent like me as well. Life is good and I look forward to the next year with Miss Emma Jane.

Empowering My Daughter

I have seen some recent activity about the topic of feminism and what it means for Christian women. In the past few weeks I have had a discussion with an old pastor of mine regarding the notion of submission to my husband. I was asking him what exactly this means and what it is that I am supposed to be doing. After a nice long talk and an explanation that made sense I felt secure that I was indeed "doing my duty" so to speak. I told Michael long ago that I would not be a doormat or his puppet. He concurred and said that he likes that I am outspoken and independent and not to change a thing. 


 I was raised to be a strong, independent woman. A woman who didn't need to rely on any man to take care of her or do things for her. Maybe this comes from my dad being in the military and never home or maybe it was because my grandmother didn't want her girls to be walked all over. My grandmother was one of 14 children. If I remember correctly only one or two of the girls went onto high school. My grandmother only had an 8th grade education because her father said "there's no point in me sending the girls onto high school because all girls do is get married and have babies". This mentality makes me sick. This notion that girls are only here on earth to breed children and serve men. My great grandfather was a womanizer and an alcoholic. My grandmother went on to indeed get married and have 4 daughters. She also worked at a bank and a department store. The money she made was used to remodel the house and other things my grandfather thought were pointless. She was an amazing woman who always told me I could be anything I wanted and do anything I wanted regardless of me being a woman.


I have always thought myself to be a feminist. I looked up the definition of feminist: advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men. 


I like the idea that I can empower my daughter to be anything she wants. Do anything she wants. That just because shes a woman doesn't mean she has to be less. Ill be supportive of whatever she wants to do or be. If she chooses to be a stay at home mom Ill support her. If she chooses to never have children and focus on something shes passionate about Ill support her. But under no circumstances do I want her to ever believe that she is only here to have kids and serve a man (other than God).


I don't want to be misunderstood here, I love my husband. I love God and try to follow his teachings accordingly. But no where in the bible does it say that I have to be his puppet. That I cant have a mind of my own. I do things for Michael BECAUSE I love him. Because I WANT to. Never have I felt like I was somehow his servant or the children's maid. Michael allows me to be me. He is amazing. He is balance for me. He keeps me grounded. He keeps me sane. He knows how to calm me like no other and in the same hand he can enrage me like no other. We have a healthy relationship. One I hope and pray that my daughter will find someday too. 


Do I want my daughter to get married? Yes. I think all mothers dream of their daughters picking out wedding dresses and walking down the isle. Do I want Emma to have kids? Of course. I think all mothers dream of grandchildren. I want Emma to be and do what she wants. Just like I want that for my boys. I want her to be her. I love her so much. I love watching her grow and learn and I look forward to the years ahead.


Thank you Lord for my daughter. She is a precious gift. Lead me to raise her as you see fit. Amen.

Playing Favorites?

 I was having a discussion recently with my husband about the kids. What kind of personalities they have, what kind of examples we're setting and so on. My oldest is not my husbands biological son yet he treats him as if he is. I started thinking about how we treat the kids. Mainly how I treat the kids because I am with them all day. I wondered to myself do I have a favorite? As I sat and though about it other questions came about. Do I treat them equally? Do I like one more than the others? After much thinking I came to the conclusion that I do not. I do not have a favorite. I love them all the same. I like to be around all of them the same. Yes at times one may get on my nerves a little more than the others but this is nothing that lasts long. Its more about what kind of mood I'm in not that my kids annoy me.


I have two boys and one girl. Emma is a baby right now and I love to hold her, watch her and dote on her. I have told the boys many times that I did the same things when they were babies. I try my best to spend time equally with all of them although right now Emma demands more of my time. I know a few families where there is obviously a favorite. One child that always gets his/her way. The other kids have to go along or risk getting into trouble. I HATE this. Yes I used a strong word because I like things to be fair. I realize that life isn't fair and my children will learn this along the way but in our house we try to make things as fair as possible.


I do realize that each child is different and that you have to parent accordingly. But I'm not going to let one child always have his way and expect the other ones to stand by and never get theirs. I read an article recently on this topic, here what it said:

"Unfortunately, the consequences of parental favoritism are what you might expect - they're mostly bad. Disfavored children experience worse outcomes across the board: more depression, greater aggressiveness, lower self-esteem, and poorer academic performance. These repercussions are far more extreme than any benefits the favored children get out of it (negative things just have a stronger impact on people than positive things). And it's not all rosy for the favored children either - their siblings often come to resent them, poisoning those relationships.

Many of these consequences persist long after children have grown up and moved out of the house. People don't soon forget that they were disfavored by their parents, and many people report that being disfavored as a child continues to affect their self-esteem and their relationships in adulthood.

To make matters worse, parents are even more likely to play favorites once their children are grown up, sustaining the toxic family dynamics (e.g., bad feelings, sibling resentment). The causes of the favoritism, however, are a bit different once the children become adults. Parents still favor daughters and less deviant children, but they also give preference to children who live closer, share the parents' values, and, not surprisingly, have provided the parents with emotional or financial support. Nearly all parents worry about whether they play favorites. But even when parents vow to treat their children equally, they soon find that this is just not possible. Every child is different and parents must respond to their unique characteristics appropriately. You shouldn't react to a 3-year-old's tantrums in the same way as you would to a 13-year-old's. You can't deal with aggressive children in the same way as passive children. Even identical twins can't be treated identically. When it comes down to it, every child wants to feel like they're different, not clones of their siblings. The best parents can do is stay aware of any differential treatment they give and try to be as fair as possible."

I happen to know personally of some parents with adult children who obviously favor one child over another. This is shown with time spent with that adult child and money given to that adult child because they for whatever reason cannot seem to support themselves. I don't claim to be perfect. I just hate favoritism. I know that I have faults when it comes to be a parent. I try everyday to give my kids what they need. Love, discipline, and time. I am trying to raise good kids. Kids that will grow up to be hardworking and loving people. There are lots of things I want for my kids and I pray that I will be able to provide them with what they need.

32 years

Today was my 32nd birthday. I have to say that I don't feel thirty-two. I'm at an age in my life where I'm looking and questioning a lot of things. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was just out of high school with my whole life ahead of me. Not that I'm that old its just something I was thinking about. Ive been out of school 14 years now. A lot has happened in that time. Ive been married twice, had three kids, held several jobs and moved about 14 times. Things have been good and bad since I got out of school. My marriage to my first husband was a nightmare. We were married for 6 years but I left after 5. Shortly after we divorced I started re-dating my husband. We'll be married 5 years at the end of this month. He has been wonderful to me. Don't get me wrong we've had our fair share of problems but we seem to stronger than ever. All I asked for my birthday was for him to get me a card. Here's what it said:

The Cover: For You, My Love on Your Birthday
The Inside: I hope there is never a need for you to wonder how strong and deep my feelings are for you. We may have changed a little, grown a lot, but whats been constant is how much I need you in my life....
If my words sometimes fail me, always remember whats in my heart- you stir my soul.....and always will.
Then he wrote: I love you very much. I constantly look forward to our life together: growing old, watching our children grow and looking forward to grandchildren. -Michael

He always knows just what to say. A card is usually the only thing I ask for when it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines day or Mothers day. I just want to be acknowledged. I too look forward to the coming years. I look forward to the next 32 years with him. I look forward to seeing our children grow and go out on their own. I calculated the other day and discovered that by the time I'm 50 all my kids will be 18. Michael and I will be on our way to having time to just be a couple. That more than anything else is something I am looking forward to.

A lot can happen in the next 32 years. I thank God for the past 32 years and I pray that I will be healthy and able to enjoy the next 32 years.

Soul Seaching

Lately I have been doing some soul searching. What kind of Mom do I want to be? What kind of life do we want? What kind of church are we looking for? I guess I'm having one of those who I am moments. So many questions in my head. Maybe its my age, maybe its knowing that I have these three wonderful kids that I am responsible for. I don't know. You would think by now at my age I would have at least some of the answers but I don't. All I know is this is THE year for changes.

I have been thinking quite a bit lately about church. What I want from church. What am I looking for? I cant help but think about the church I went to youth group at. Carbondale Baptist Church. I didn't go to church much growing up because we moved so much and because my parents are different denominations. When we moved here in 1993 we started to go to Carbondale. I really liked it. Heck I even met both my husbands there ( yes, I know how that sounds). It was a little church with great people. We had a great pastor and the youth group was full of people that I really liked. I made some really good friends there.I graduated in 1997 and started to move away from church. I was dating a guy at the time that wasn't interested in going to church and I sort of adopted that way of thinking. Ive been that way for years now and I'm tired of it. Mike and I had our first kiss in that sanctuary. I have wonderful memories of that church. Ive been to several churches over the years trying to reclaim that feeling and I just haven't found it. Maybe I wont find it again but in the mean time I am once again searching. We've been going to a church not far from our house now for about 9 months or so, off and on. Michael and I both struggle with getting up early on Sundays because we like to sleep in ( I know, lame excuse). We are trying to change this. There isn't any one particular thing that I dislike about the church we currently belong to. It just doesn't have things I want right now. I would like to find a church with a ladies group with some women about my age that have a regular bible study and maybe have luncheons or participate in a charity or something. I would like to find a church where I don't know anyone. Its makes it so much easier to start fresh. No history, no rivals, no drama. I would like to find a church where Jordan could have boys his own age that he could look forward to seeing every week. Searching. So in my search I am going to visit a church not far from our house. Its a Southern Baptist Church which is what we prefer and by what I have read on their website they seem to have everything that I am looking for. While I am visiting and checking things out Michael will continue to go to Easton Heights to help his mother with her class. This may seem a little unorthodox to some people but this is something I have to do and Michael is being very supportive. He understands what I am going through.

At home we have been trying to change things also. Michael and I have been off the "path" for so long that its hard to make changes. We're struggling but also trying to work through these obstacles. Michael was raised in the church, I remember going a hand full of times before we moved here to Oklahoma. There are benefits to both sides. Hes been going through questions like " Why do I believe what I believe? Is it because I was raised in church or because I truly believe it?" I know that Michael and I will find what we are looking for. I also know we will find a church home that fits us the way we want. Where that will be remains to be seen. If Easton Heights is to be our home then I know we will showed this.



I love our life and when I look back at how my life was before this I think about how great I have it now. When I was married to my ex-husband I lived in dumps, never had a decent car, and was constantly broke. Now I have a husband who supports my decision to stay home, we live in a decent house, have a car that runs, and we have money to pay bills and play when we want to. We're not well off but we're not broke a** either. We have been careful with our money lately and its paying off. We're able to do more things with it. Mike has been working really hard at work and recently got a small promotion with a raise. Not much but enough to make a difference. He is an awesome husband and I truly look forward to wherever God decides to place us. I know that wherever he puts us we'll do wonderful things.

Right now I'm trying to search God and rely that He will show me the way. This is hard for me but I'm trying. That's all I can do right now.

First Impressions

What does it mean to make a first impression? Most people will say that a first impression is everything. That you are most likely judged on that first impression. Does this also pertain to Christians? Do we judge people based on what we see first and if so is this the correct reaction to a person?


The short answer is yes we do and no its not. I myself am definitely guilty of this one. John 7:24 Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”


I myself am often judged on appearance. My tattoos tend to offend people especially Christians.  They so often assume that I cannot possibly be anything more than a heathen. But I don't care what they think, my tattoos are a map to my past.  I have trouble when it comes to peoples clothing. I was taught you didn't leave the house unless you looked nice. Clean clothes, no stains, holes or tears. Now I know that sometimes kids clothes will come up with holes in them. In our home theses clothes are for around the house only. We do not buy the fanciest or most expensive clothes. Most of the time I shop at Walmart or Target. Most of the time I try to shop at a thrift store first before I hit Walmart or Target.  I love thrift stores. You can find some really nice clothes there. I just make sure they don't have any tears or stains.


These first impressions apply to everyone you meet. Prospective mates, their family, employers, church members, everyone. So what happens after you've made the first impression? Is it then okay to show your 'true colors' so to speak? When Michael and I were first married I remember the morning after the first time he spent the night I got up before he did and fixed my hair and makeup. Now after hes seen me give birth to two children there's not much he hasn't seen. I still fix my hair and makeup before he comes home from work and when we go out into public I try my best to look nice beside him. But there are days where I don't bother to fix my hair or makeup if we're just hanging around the house. Even though we are married I still want to look good for him. I know the days of white gloves and hats are gone but I think its important to look presentable when going to church or a job depending on where you work that is.


So why am I writing about this? I guess its because of all the people that I have seen lately who just look like plain slobs. Baggy pants, stained clothes, wrinkled to death, clothes that show too much skin, nasty crusty feet with long toe nails (another hang up I have, I cant stand feet), just plain laziness when it comes to appearance. What has happened to society?


I know there a lot of lower income people out there who maybe cant afford nice clothing. We fall into the lower income category yet we are able to cloth ourselves and our children in decent clothing. Its all about where you shop. Again, thrift stores are great, especially for kids clothes they're just going to outgrow in a few months anyway. But then again its also about priorities. I know some of you maybe thinking "well I don't care what other people think about me" or that this blog is more about vanity than anything else. No I don't care what other people think about me but I still want to look presentable. I am probably the least vain person I know but it doesn't stop me from fixing my hair and makeup and trying to dress, if nothing else so that I feel good about myself. And you may not care about what other people think about you but the world is cruel and sometimes kids are judged on what they're parents look like or how they themselves dress and kids should feel comfortable in how they look.


I hope it doesn't sound like I am judging anyone for they're situation. I'm not. I'm just writing about what we do and believe. You don't have to agree with me and if Ive offended anyone, I apologize.

Acceptance and Tolerance

Tolerance and acceptance. Two words I think at some point in our lives we struggle with. I came across two I think best fit what I have been thinking about.


Psalms 105:5- Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him will I put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, him will I not endure.


1 Timothy 1:15-  Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.


Ill be honest I have a hard time accepting some people and their actions. Maybe its more their actions than it is them. Sometimes its hard for me to separate the sin from the person or the action from the person. For me this occurs with not just people I know but also people I don't know.


Why is it that as Christians we can be so intolerant and so unaccepting of others? Even people in our own families. Maybe more so of the people we are closest to. I have people I know that sometimes I cant even stand to be in the same room with because of their actions. I know this is not a Christian attitude and lately I have been really struggling with this. Most of the time its something the person is doing or has done that I am unaccepting of. These things range from the way they act to the things they believe. 


I find that I am not very accepting or tolerant of things I do not understand. This also varies depending on the person and the situation. There are members of my own family that I don't like to be around because I do not accept their situation. I am ashamed to admit that. I am writing this with the hopes that through talking about it and prayer maybe I can move past it.  There are days I don't want to go to church because I don't want to see certain people. These people are a distraction to me during service and I find it hard to be the kind of Christian that I want to be. I know this is Satan's way of keeping me from worshipping but ignoring it is easier said than done. I am aware of it and that makes it that much harder.


Michael and I both are at pivotal points in our lives. We seem to be at a fork and although we both want to take the path to God somehow we keep going down the wrong path. Feeling judged about this hasn't been helping us. Sometimes I think we should just move somewhere where no one knows us and we could start over. I know with much prayer and Bible study we will get back to the right path. For now I have to immerse myself in God and try to shut out the thoughts Satan keeps putting in my head in regards to others and their lives. I just need to live my life and worry about my own problems.

Try, Try Again

So we've decided once again to homeschool the kids. Mainly Jordan but Conor will be staring some preschool lessons this year as well. Im really looking forward to starting this year. I have started ordering the books and I am very excited to start lesson planning. I even found a homeschool fitness program we can all do together. We have joined a homeschool group that we go to once a week to visit with other kids and moms. They even have activities every day if I wanted to go but odds are we'll only go once a week. I believe I am being called to do this and I am very much looking forward to getting started. I found this blog recently through an online homeschool group I belong to and Im looking forward to reading it.

http://live-with-laughter.blogspot.com/2011/06/giveaway-time-five-in-row.html


Anyway, look for continued updates on our journey through homeschooling.