Moving......yet again

Well, its that time again.....moving time. I hate moving time. Everything about it. Packing, sorting, loading, unloading, and unpacking. The only thing that's even remotely good about moving is that it forces you to go through what you have and I usually end up finding something Id forgotten I had. Other than that I hate it. I have moved more times in my life than I care to think about. My dad was in the Navy, it was just a part of life.

I was born in Jacksonville, Fl. We then moved here to Tulsa. We lived here for awhile then moved to Maryland, then back to Florida, Orlando this time. We lived there for awhile then moved back here in 1993 and we've been here ever since. Well I have, my sisters have moved to other states.

Even though I have lived in Tulsa for 17 years I have not lived in the same spot. I lived in the house my parents built until I was 21 and I moved in with my then husband to an apartment in South Tulsa. We lived there a year and then moved to a rental house in mid-town. We lived there a year and then moved to a house at Pine and Lewis (fellow Tulsans will know where this is), we lived there a year then moved to a house in North Tulsa, not the best part of town. We lived there a year before we were robbed and I insisted we move. We did to a house near Gilcrease Museum. I lived there for 6 months before I found out my husband was having a affair and I took my child and moved in with my parents. I got my son and I a rental house on the West Side (the best side). I lived there for 2 years before my now husband and I decided to move out to Prattville ( little suburb outside of Tulsa). We lived there for a year, would have stayed longer but we were tired of having uninvited visitors. We then moved in with my mom after my dad decided he didn't want to be around anymore. We lived with her for 9 months before she could no longer afford to keep the only "childhood" home I have ever known. We then moved into an apartment. Which was great in the beginning but has had too many problems to count. They say home is where the heart is. I guess that's true. Even though Ive never had a permanent home so to speak my heart has always been where my family is.

So here we are again. Moving time. We are moving in with my father-in-law so that we can save money to buy a house. This time next year we will be in our own home. Maybe for once I will feel settled.  Mike and I will have a home of our own. A place that we can build together. That's something I cant wait for. In the mean time we're adding a new addition to our family and trying to save every dime we have. This year should prove to be interesting.

I look forward to this year. A time for Mike and I to finally get where we want to be. I also look forward to being able to buy a house so that I can give my kids what I never had.

A place to call home....

A Day Like Any Other.....

Today as all of you know is Valentines Day. But for me its a day like any other. Mike and I will exchange cards and then go about our day. I have laundry and Mike is moving stuff to his Dad's. The kids are playing. I don't need a "special" day to remind me how much Mike and I love each other. He reminds me every day. He tells me in little ways.

Hes been so supportive lately while I am working toward building an at home business. I know its not easy, like me he wants to see results. He been so understanding about my nausea. The house seems to be falling apart around us. Some days its all I can do to get out of bed, let alone do laundry and cook. But Mike has been very understanding and helpful. Mike is so good to me. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He makes little gestures like a hug, kiss or a look. Everyday we try to show each other how we feel. I think that's important in sustaining a long term relationship. I usually get a nice card for the big holidays: Valentines Day, Mother's Day, Birthday and Anniversary. He always write something good in it. I usually end up crying.

I could have gone out and put a lot of money and time into getting him a gift. But I couldn't think of anything to get him and usually a card will suffice. I could have made a cake or cookies or even bought some, but we are trying to cut those things out of having them at home. I could have suggested we go out on a 'date' but instead we went out to dinner as a family. It was nice. I don't need some holiday made up by retailers to tell me that my husband loves me.

I love him and he loves me. Simple as that. With all our faults, imperfections, craziness and ticks, we love each other and take care of each other. I like to think it flows over into our children. I want our kids to see the affection we have and pass it along to their own spouses and children someday. We may not always agree on everything, we might bicker over the small stuff but at the end of the day we never go to bed mad and we snuggle before we go to sleep. I love sleeping in the same bed. I cannot imagine having separate beds. I would miss out on so much. (not what your thinking) Its more about the talking, snuggling, the thought that hes there beside me, always.

As we grow older I see a great lifetime of adventure ahead of us. I think we will travel perhaps, enjoy hikes and trails with our kids as they grow and our grandchildren. We will grow closer and I hope that when the end is near we'll be together to share in it no matter how painful.

Michael is my best friend, my soul-mate. Here's to a thousand more Valentines Days......

1996 at Mikes Prom....

Us 10 years later on our wedding day!!

A sadness I cannot shake.....

My Grandmother passed away in May of 2009. One day she was here and the next she wasn't. I was at home in bed when she went into the hospital. I was at home in bed when she passed. I have not been able to get past the fact that I did not get a chance to say goodbye.

My Grandma had the best laugh.

I grew up in a military family as most of you know. We moved around a lot and there were several summers I came to stay with my Grandma. Roberta Kemp of Tulsa Oklahoma. I came here 3 summers I think. When I was 5, 6 and 7. At least that's what I remember. While I was visiting we did all kinds of things I remember well. We went to B&B market, old smelly auctions where I always had to go to the bathroom and all they had was port-o-potties. Without fail I would get into the port-o-potty and just as I sat down she would say "don't sit on the seat!" She also took me to church. Namely vacation bible school. I went to vacation bible school at Carbondale Baptist Church. I later went there as a teenager/adult. I loved it there. She taught me how to make pies although I cant remember how to know. We spent time in her garden in the backyard. In the backyard used to be a large tree with a home-made swing attached to it. I loved to swing on that swing. Years later when we moved back here to Tulsa I found that the tree had been cut down it made me a little sad.

We moved here in 1993. Before our house was finished we lived with my Grandma. As I grew older I started spending lots of time with her. Especially after I had my first son, Jordan.

Grandma and Jordan '07

I wasn't working during the first few years of Jordan's life. When I did go somewhere or had something to do my Grandma would keep him. They grew very close. Over the years I would spend most days over there. Sometimes I would help her clean a room but most days were just hanging out. She helped me make Jordan a quilt. We even made one for my cousins husband whose from Mexico. I made it out of the Mexican flag colors, it turned out so beautiful and he loved it. I really enjoyed spending so much time at her house. My marriage to my first husband was difficult. My Grandmother was there to let me vent about how crappy things were but she was also very helpful over the years. When we finally divorced she was there too.

I remarried in late 2006. My divorce from Henry was final in March of 2006 but in the state of Oklahoma you have to wait 6 months to get remarried to another person. When I looked at the calender to try to pick a date that was 6 months away I just chose the first free Saturday Mike and I would both have. The date was September 30th. This also happens to be my Grandparents anniversary. The year we were married they were married 68 years! They made it all the way to 70 years before she passed. I can only hope and pray that Michael and I will make it that long.

Grandma and Grandpa at their 70th anniversary party

If we are married 70 years we'd have to live to be 100! Its possible I suppose with all the modern medicine. I think my Grandmother was happy for me. She saw how happy Mike had made me and she embraced him. Plus he liked my Grandma too because she reminded him of his own Grandmother that passed away in January of 2006, Grandma Nan.

Our son Conor was born in January 2007. I was so glad she got to at least meet him and hold him.

Grandma and Conor, hes 3 days old!

I think she loved him just as much as Jordan, she just didn't get to see him grow like she did Jordan. The past few years I hadn't been able to spend as much time with her. I regret that now. Mike and I spend a lot of our free time together and it wasn't like when I was married to Henry and I couldn't wait to get away from him. In any event I should have hung out over there more. The few months before she passed I helped my mom clean out the 'junk room.' A garage that has been converted to a room. We were going through old boxes and stuff. I kept nagging at my Grandma for keeping ancient items. I look back and think ' if id only known shed only be here another month or two I would have kept my mouth shut.' My mom moved in with my Grandparents after her and my dad split up. It was kind of cool to go over and see both of them at the same time.

The night she passed my mom said that my Grandmother was in the living room, up late as usual. She liked to sit up and sew or read. You could often find her up way past midnight. I always thought that was funny. My Grandma went to get up and couldn't, my mom called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital. All the while I was in bed, soundly asleep. In our bedroom we have a noise maker that sounds like the rain and a table fan. I cant hear much outside our bedroom so I never heard the phone ringing. My mother telling me to get to the hospital because it didn't look good. My Grandmother slipping away and me nowhere to be found.

My mom said she just sat up in the hospital bed and said "oh" and then she was gone. In a flash I was Grand-motherless.

At 6 in the morning I heard very loud banging on my front door. When I looked out the peep hole I knew it was bad. Standing there was my sister and my brother-in-law. They never came to visit let alone together. When I opened the door she said "we've been calling, Grandmas in the hospital, shes passed.' I literally crumpled to the floor. I got dressed and we went to the hospital. Everyone was there. She was just lying in the hospital bed, looked like she was sleeping. I didn't touch her. I didn't want to feel how cold I knew shed be. I wanted to remember her how I had the day before. Warm and alive. I cried for days. Even now as I write this I'm tearing up. (Although being pregnant doesn't help, I cry at stupid things like commercials). We had a viewing here in Tulsa. My sister, a hair dresser at the time, went to the funeral home and did her hair and make-up. That's something my she and my Grandmother had discussed long before she passed. She did a wonderful job. She looked like herself, only sleeping. I came home and had to tell Jordan the news, he cried but not like I thought he would. Maybe its his age. We decided to wait and have her funeral at the upcoming family reunion. Boy was that bitter sweet.

The last quilt my Grandma made, right before she passed. This photo is her children and all the Grandchildren, I didn't know they were going to take this and Mike, Conor and I had already gone back to the cabins.

The family reunion is held every year in Mountain View, Arkansas. Its a beautiful place. We've been going there for years.

Just outside of Mountain View is a tiny town called Marcella. That's where my Grandmother decided she wanted to be buried. There along side her sisters and brothers. It was nice to see family I hadn't seen in years. Cousins and aunts and uncles. From all over the U.S. Like I said it was bitter sweet. I was so happy to see all these people, but wished that it was under better circumstances. The service was beautiful. People talked about how much they loved her and how wonderful her life was. We ALL cried. There was a graveside service. My aunt hired a bagpipe player to play Amazing Grace. It was so beautiful. I couldn't help but cry again. As we were leaving the service I realized I would never see her again, I mean I knew that, it just really finally sunk in. Although Mountain View is only 5 hours away its hard to get over there. I would like to go visit. I mean I know shes not there somehow its just comforting. I have pictures and memories but they're not the same as having her here to talk to, to get advice from, to hear stories of her growing up in the depression. I loved to hear stories about her life in Arkansas. Having 13 brothers and sisters makes for interesting stories. Her headstone is beautiful. Just like her.

The ride home was sad. I still feel such a loss. I want so much to turn back the clock and answer the phone. To be there to say goodbye. To be able to tell her how much I love her, how much I appreciated ALL the things she did for me over the years and how much I would miss her. I'm sure she knew all these things. Sometimes I think its a good thing I wasn't there. I didn't have to see her be in pain. The doctors said they thought her aorta burst. But since there was no autopsy we'll never really know. I'm sure it was heart related. I have Michael to see me through. Hes my rock. My shoulder to cry on. I did a lot of that. He understands having lost his own Grandmother. Someone he was very close with as well. After she passed we were left with the task of cleaning out her things from the house. It was harder than I thought it would be. There were so many things I wanted to keep and so many things others thought we should just toss. I was left feeling anger toward others for just discarding her things as if her life meant nothing. Sort of like the house my Grandparents lived in for 50+ years. My grandmother did a reverse mortgage a few years back and when my grandfather dies the house goes back to the bank. I would love to buy the house but right now its not financially possible and there doesn't seem to be anyone in the family whose willing to step up and save it. She would be so sad and disappointed. Anyway enough about that. I miss her everyday. I have pictures around the house and sometimes I find myself picking them up and thinking back to that moment and crying. Sometimes just being at her house makes me want to bawl. There are so many memories there.

They say you never get over the death of your mother. She was like a second mother to me. I cant imagine what how Ill feel when my own mother passes away. Just after she passed Michael Jackson passed away and I found myself picking up the phone to call her and tell her this only to realize I couldn't. Silly I guess. I wish grandma was here to watch the kids grow and see the new baby when it gets here. But I like to think shes watching down on us from Heaven and that someday I will see her face there. In the meantime I have my own mother to watch my children grow. I hope that they have the kind of bond and memories that I had with my own grandmother.

Roberta Agnes McDonald Kemp 1919-2009. One of the most amazing people I have ever known. She was strong, smart, funny, creative, loving and caring. A good cook and an even better seamstress.

 Life will never be the same without her!

Vicki, Me, Grandma, Conor and Jordan, Christmas 2007

The Invisible Mother

I cant remember where I got this but Im sure if you are a mother at some point you have felt this way.




The Invisible Mother



It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into a room while Im on the phone and ask me a question.






Inside Im thinking, "cant you see Im on the phone?"






Obviously not.






No one can see if Im on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.






Im invisible. The Invisibel Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: can you fix this? Can you open this?










Some days Im not a pair of hands; Im not even a human being. Im a clock to ask, 'What time is it'? Im a satellite guide to answer, " What number is the disney channel?" Im a car to order, ' Right around 5:30 please."






I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude- but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be see again. She going, going, gone.






One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England...






Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.






I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. it was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.






I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package and said " I brought you this."






It was a book on the great catherdrals of Europe.






I wasnt exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:






"To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."






In the days ahead I would read-no devour-the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths. after which I could pattern my work:






No one can say who built the great cathedrals- we have no record of their names.






These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.






They made great sacrifices and expected no credit,






The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.






A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it" And the workman replied, " Because God sees it"






I closed the book, feeling the missing pieces fall into place.






At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.






I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.






The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.






When I really think about it, I dont want my son to tell the friend hes bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes the turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean Id built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "youre gonna love it there.'






As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women,

I hope this encourages you when the going gets tough as it sometimes does. We never know what our finished products will turn out to be because of our perseverance.

And The Award Goes To....

And the award for best big brother goes to Jordan!!! I have to take a moment and brag about my son Jordan. He is 8 years old and is the best big brother.

Jordan and Conor at 3 months

Jordan is my first. He was born in June 2001. Henry and I weren't even married a year. Things were already starting to get turbulent between us. I just didn't know how volatile they would get over the next 5 years. Jordan was the best baby. He was so laid back and I could literally take a nap on the couch and he would just play in the floor. We had 5 years together. Just the two of us. Henry wasn't around much. Even though we were together he made it clear that he would rather hang out with his friends than be with us. I spent almost every weekend with my parents. Which was great for Jordan and I.

Henry and I split up in April of 2005. I moved in with my mom and started looking for rent house. In the summer of 2005 Mike Morrison e-mailed me and wanted to know if I really had left Henry. I said "yes." From then on we were sort-of seeing each other. In December of 2005 proposed. I of course said yes, I had been waiting for this for ten years. In the midst of all this was Jordan. A quiet kid who really seemed to like Mike. Mike moved in and we were married in September 2006. Jordan was 5. At first I wasn't sure how he would react to us getting married but he seemed happy. He and Mike seemed to get along well. In February 2007 I found out I was pregnant. We told Jordan and he was happy at the thought of having a brother or sister. At first he said he really wanted a sister and even was a little sad when I announced "its a boy!"

Conor Kael was born on November 11th 2007. Jordan was so excited. He held Conor in the hospital right after he was born. Even though they are 6 years apart they are like peas in a pod. From day one Jordan has been right there to hold him, feed him, keep him entertained and hug and kiss him. I remember right after he as born Jordan asked if Conor could sleep in his room. I said eventually. We moved in with my mom in July 2008. I put Jordan and Conor in a room together. Jordan had a twin and Conor in a playpen. In March 20009 we moved in to an apartment. We put them in a room together. This time with a twin mattress and a toddler bed. The first night they slept in their new room I went in to check on them and when I looked in Conor toddler bed he wasn't there. I couldn't imagine where he could have gone. Then I checked Jordan's bed and there they were. Conor had climbed into bed with Jordan. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen. From that day on they have slept in the same bed. Only now they have a futon so its a little bigger.

Conor is 2 now. They play together, watch movies and Conor like to sit and watch Jordan play certain video games. They are so cute together. Jordan even gets up early and makes them waffles. He gets him his juice and washes him when they take baths together. He is the most attentive brother. I was so nervous at first about having Conor. I didn't want Jordan to feel as though we were replacing him. Instead he has embraced Conor and I hope that as the years go by they will grow even closer.

Now we have a new baby on the way. I know Jordan will be just as good a big brother to this baby as he has been to Conor. I also know he will teach Conor how to be an awesome big brother. I am so blessed I couldn't ask for more. So here's to Jordan the best big brother I know.

Jordan and Conor October 2009

Innocence Lost

My mother has started a blog. Something I never thought I would live to see. But times they are a changin'. Her blog is named Dancing through my divorce.  Its basically an account of when and how she found out that my dad was having an affair. Growing up my dad wasnt around much. He was in the Navy. I understand that he had a job to do but it was hard sometimes. He would come home from long deployments and I dont know about my sisters but I felt like we were always in trouble. I remember good things like going to Disney World or Universal Studios. There were other things we used to do as a family that I remember that were fun like going to really junky flea markets, Florida has some of the best, and eating at fun places.

I remember the day my mom called me with what sounded like despair in her voice. I grabbed the kids and went over immediately. And there it was. Something I had suspected for years the truth: my dad had a girlfriend. I cant say I was surprised. Right after he retired and moved back to Tulsa I caught an instant message that hadnt closed between him and someone else where he told that person that he loved them. I wrote it off and decided to keep my nose out of it. Maybe if I had said something all those years ago I could have saved my mom years of sadness. But I didnt. I knew my parents were'nt happy but I never thought they would divorce. When I was in school I was one of the few kids who could proudly say that my parents were still married.But here I was sitting on the couch listening to my mom talk about some text messages she'd read on my dad cell phone. I thought text messages, really how old are we?

What transpired over the next year was harder than I could have ever imagined. My dad moved out Easter Sunday 2008. I mean really thanks for tainting that day. At first I thought everything would be okay. But it wasnt and still isnt. A man Id known my entire life, literally, suddenly became someone I didnt know. Being around him was awkward and difficult. Especially as my parents started going through the divorce process. My dad was in the Navy for about 26 years. My parents were legally married for 30, therefore my mom gets half of his monthly retirement. He threw the biggest fit about this. I thought it was fair. My mother raised three children, ran a household and waited for him to retire only for him to run off with someone else. I thought that a measley monthly payment should be sufficient for 30 years of marriage. But he didnt.

When my dad moved out he decided that my mom should get the house. What a joke. He thought he was helping her but all it did was bring her more heartache. My mom couldnt afford to keep the house. We moved here in 1993. My parents actually built the house from where we lived in Florida. What an ordeal that was. We got here and my dad was eventually stationed for his last years in the Navy in Corpus Christi, Texas. I believe now that he had a girlfriend there as well. For that matter he probably had girlfriends throughout the years. No proof of course just call it womans intuition. I liked the house my parents built. I had a lot of firsts there. My first Merle Norman visit to get makeup, my first kiss on the porch, my first driving lessons, first date, boyfriend, broken heart, car, and job. To me it was like the childhood home Id never had. Since we moved around so much we never really had a home of our own. It was always military issued housing. This was our first home. And now I was facing the possibilty that it would be gone. I was very sad even thought its just brick and mortar. Mike and I had moved in with my mom in July of 2008 top try to save money. By March of 2009 we had to move into an apartment. My mom was in the process of trying to put the house up on the market and clean it out. What a nightmare that was. On top of my dad just up and leaving he left behind 30 years of crap. Literally. When my dad left he only wanted stuff from the kitchen! No photos, no memorabilia, nothing. Just the pasta machine and the set it and forget it. That hurt.

Let me tell you that cleaning out a 4 bedroom house with two bathrooms and a two car garage is not small feat. Plus on top of that my dad had decided that we should paint on of the bedrooms in New Orleans Saints colors and that hard wood floors should be installed. But he didnt finish either. The floors werent finished, the outside of the house in the back yard was falling apart, there had been a small fire on the side of the house that had never been repaired and the house needed to be painted. There was a lot of work to be done and very little money to do so. We did manage to get the house cleaned out. It took about 3 months. It sucked and brought up all kinds of emotions. I was sad, angry, hurt, and confused all at once.

My mom talks about all the questions she has about my dads affair. I think me and the girls do too. Why couldnt he have just been honest with my mom and told her the truth? How long had it been going on? Why did he seem to care so little? Why does it seem that we dont exsist now that he has a new girlfriend? How can a man Ive known my entire life suddenly seem like a stranger? I see him now and its awkward. I dont know what to talk about and he always seems in a hurry to leave. Ive met the girlfriend....all Ill say is yeeesh. My dad has never really answered my questions. I dont think he wants to. Its like talking to some dude off the street who says "hey Im your dad." One of the worst things about all that happened is that my son Jordan was really hurt by this. He and my dad were very close. They hung out a lot. Jordans own dad wasnt around much so I spent a lot of time over at my parents house hanging out and therefore Jordan and my dad did a lot together. But when he left he didnt just leave us. It was very hard to tell Jordan about my dad leaving when his own dad had just left 2 years before.

I grew up with the belief that my parents loved each other. Maybe at some point they did. But it was years ago. Long ago. I dont think my parents ever really connected. Mike and I are connected on a level I cannot explain. A love I hope others will find. I never saw my parents argue. Never saw them be affectionate. Mike and I argue not violently but we do, we are constantly kissing and hugging each other. I think its important for the kids to see that we love each other, not just know it. Its funny but I wish sometimes that my dad had never come back from Corpus Christi. I think it would have saved years of heartache. The truth is I guess my dad has always been a stranger. I just didnt realize it until I was all grown up. I want better for my children. Although Jordans dad never comes around he has Mike to be a role model, to teach him things and be there for him. I try to make our marriage a good one so that my children will never have to experience what I did even as adults. Life has gone on. My dad is still with her and my mom is dating. Im very proud that shes stepping out of her comfort zone. Only time will tell if I will ever feel differently about the whole thing. Even driving past the front of the housing edition is hard sometimes. Im sure eventually it wont bother me but for now I am saddened at the thought of the only childhood home I knew is gone....

Pregnancy Stinks!

Well I am now 7 weeks along and most days I feel like crap. Dont get me wrong I like the idea of having another baby but I dont like the process. Most of the day I find myself going back and forth between choking back vomit and starving, not a good combination. The baby isnt much bigger than a blueberry but Im already having to pee quite a bit and Im tired what seems like all the time. The house is falling apart around me and the idea of cooking dinner is exhausting. In the midst of all this I have a husband, two kids, a job, Im trying to start a business and we're preparing to move! I dont know what I was thinking.

Looking back at the past two pregnancies I dont remember feeling this way. Most people will say thats because God takes away our ability to remember. Thats mostly true. I on the other hand have kept journals about the last two pregnancies and nowhere did I mention that I was starving the way that I have been recently. The other night we had KFC and I had two big pieces of chicken, a large portion of mashed potatoes and coleslaw and a bisquit. I am not exaggerating when I say I was starving 2 hours later! I couldnt believe it. On top of that nothing ever sounds good so its hard to think of something to eat. I usually have an instant breakfast.

I know or I hope this will pass as soon as I enter the 2nd trimester. I am close to this. Well about 6 weeks. But it should go by fast. We are preparing to move soon and I hope that I can get everything in order by then, hard to think about packing and moving when you feel like youve been hit by a truck. I know that in the end this will be one journey I will never forget.

A New Baby?

A new baby? Thats what I said when I first had the feeling I might be pregnant, again. I went to the store and bought one of those digital pregnancy tests and sure enough it said positive. I was giddy with excitement. So I went home and got a gift box that holds watches, you know a long one and I put the test inside. When Mike arrived home I said "hey I bought something for you today and I want you to have it now" He says okay. I hand him the box and he looks at me and says " I dont wear watches" I was like OMG just open it. So he opens it and says "you got me a thermometer?" I said "read it" and he says "no way, really? really?" I say "yes" and Im thinking no I had someone else pee on the stick. He gave me a big smile and hug.

Now I know what a lot of you are thinking "really another kid." But we are very excited about all this. Its the best time for us to do this and although Conor is still little I think it will be great. Plus this is my last, so I want to enjoy it. All the stuff you have to go through to have a child will be worth it in the end. I have been so nauseated lately sometimes Id just rather be throwing up the entire time instead of choking it back.

I am due Sept. 27th. Right after my birthday and right before my anniversary. That should be interesting. But it shouldnt be too much longer after that we'll be moving into our own home. I truly believe this is the year that Mike and I will be able to get things exactly where we want them. Pray for us as we go on this journey, again.