A Decision Made with a Heavy Heart

A decision made with a heavy heart, this is how I feel right now. Michael and I have decided to put Jordan back into public school. This decision was not made lightly. Its not the ideal situation. Its not the perfect solution. But for this moment and at this time in our lives we feel this is the best solution.


I have been home schooling Jordan since September. Prior to that my sister in law home schooled him. He seemed to do well there. I felt like from day one that Jordan and I were having problems. Almost everyday we were struggling. I started to notice that his math skills weren’t where they should be. This became a sore spot. Then as the weeks by Jordan seemed to really dislike having school everyday. It seemed a battle everyday to just get him to concentrate on this school work. He seemed to rush through school work so that he could do something else. Jordan is not a self-starter. I had to be on him the entire time. Things were alright before Emma arrived. Between her and Conor its almost impossible for Jordan to do his school work, study or even absorb any of what he’s learning. I started to have the feeling like he just wasn’t getting it. Any of it.

I started to talk to Mike about my concerns, started looking up testing websites to see if I could figure out where Jordan might be. His math skills were way below where they should be. Otherwise he seemed to be doing alright. I think his reading comprehension needs to be worked on. I also think that Jordan may need a break from me and the chaos that has become our house since Emma arrived. That may sound weird to some but it’s the truth. Jordan and I are a lot alike and we tend to but heads.

I think Jordan will like going back to school. Yes I know all the cons of public school. I do not need to be reminded of how Oklahoma is failing in the public school area. I think Jordan will enjoy being around other kids and hopefully he will make some friends. Our mornings really aren’t all that crazy either. The kids are usually up early anyway and Mike can take Jordan on his way to work, the school is like 2 minutes away. I can walk over to the school to pick him up or on the bad weather days I can have him picked up.

So although this was a hard decision we feel this is going to be a good thing. Please pray that the adjustments go smoothly. Jordan isn’t the only one that has to adjust. Conor is somewhat lonely without Jordan at home. He loves his brother so much. Only time will tell how things will turn out, heres to hoping all goes well!

The Choices We Make

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT READ IF YOU DISAGREE WITH BIRTH CONTROL!!! I AM NOT AIMING THIS AT ANY ONE PERSON. I AM TALKING TO SEVERAL PEOPLE. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE PERSONALLY.





The choices we make can sometimes effect more than just ourselves. Because of this I would like to address those out there who have made comments to me recently about our decision not to have anymore kids. First of all its between me and God. Secondly its between Michael and I. We decided about 6 months into pregnancy that we didn’t want to have anymore children. We have many reasons for this. Money, space, time, and the fact that we are getting older and would like to someday have lives of our own that don’t revolve around children. Now don’t misunderstand me here, we love our kids, but the truth is we also love each other and would like to be able to just be a couple again.

The decision not to have anymore kids was not one made lightly. We knew this would be a permanent thing. I was the one going back and forth more than he but the more we talked about it the more we knew it was the right decision. Yes I am very fertile. I have no problems getting pregnant. When we decided to have another baby I told Michael it was now or never and within two weeks I was pregnant with Emma. The only kid I ever planned J. I have heard everything from “I think you made a wise choice”, to “Your going to hell.” There are those who say I am messing with Gods plan and to rely on him to take care of our every need. Although God will take care of us he also expects us to be wise and self-sufficient. You cant just sit there and say “ I’m not going to pay this bill because God will take care of it.” He’s not a magician, He’s not going to make it just disappear.


We also think that three is enough. There is no reason in today’s society to have a huge family. I believe its irresponsible to have more kids than you can provide for especially if you aren’t responsible in other areas. My mom works at a local hospital and sees this everyday. Women who come in with 4 or 5 kids and one on the way, women who have their kids taken away because they are on drugs or alcohol or they’re abusive to their kids. I believe having children is a privilege not a right. Now I know I am going to make some people angry with what I have said. But I make no apologies for how I feel. I feel that if you make the decision not to use birth control that all facets of your life need to be looked over. If I get pregnant what are the ramifications of this decision? Where am I in my life? How will this impact my life at this moment? If you already have kids how will it affect them? How will it affect us financially, space wise, and time wise? There are so many things to consider. I don’t believe that having a child should be a lightly made decision. It’s a person, another person to care for, to pay for, make space for.


I guess I’ve said that I wanted to. I know that there are a lot of people out there who disagree with me. Some of those may be friends and family. But hey this is America right, if people out there can pop out kids left and right then I can say what I want!

Baby Emma and Her Entrance Into the World

Well its official, Emma Jane Morrison is here. She arrived Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 9:18 a.m. She weighed in at 8 lbs 12 oz and is 21 inches long.

I started having contractions on Friday September 24th, late in the evening around 11:30 p.m. They weren't very close but I knew it was getting close. All day Saturday I felt like I was leaking something. It didn't look like amniotic fluid so I wasn't sure. I continued to have contractions. I ran errands with my mom and then Mike and I took the kids over to my mother-in-laws for a sleep over. We then went to dinner and then home. By the time we got home they were getting closer. I started to write down each time I had one. By 8:00 p.m. they were five minutes apart. I watched the contractions for two hours and they were consistent. I called the doctor and he said I should go ahead and come on in to the hospital. So off we went. It was about 11:15 p.m. when we left the house. OSU Medical Center is where we were headed and its not that far, which is nice because they were getting more intense. I told Mike not to call anyone just yet. It was the middle of the night and I didn't want a bunch of people waiting at the hospital since I had no idea how long it would be before she arrived. Mike did call his mom and I texted mine later that morning. My mom came and sat with us in the delivery room.

They got me into a room right away and started to monitor the progress. The nurse did a test and said that I was leaking fluid after all. I was only dilated to a 4 but after a few hours they decided to keep me. Since my dilation progress was going slow the doctor decided to give me pitocin. At 6 a.m. they started the pitocin in my IV. My contractions went from a pain level of about a 4 to about a 10 within minutes. They were horrible. But I also knew that it meant she would be here soon.

At about 9:00 a.m. the contractions were excruciating. The doctor came in and broke the last of my water and then it was time to start pushing. After about 6 pushes here she came. Near the end I really felt like I was going to rip in half. When she came out I heard Mike say, " Its really a girl!" They took her and cleaned her up while the doctor tended to me. He got me all fixed up and then I got to hold her for the first time.

All the pain I had been in just melted away. She looked beautiful. All the pain I had been in for the past few months and minutes was totally worth it.
They took Emma to the nursery and the nurses came in and got me situated to be moved to a recovery room. The next day I was scheduled for surgery to have my tubes tied. They came to get me on a bed and wheeled me up to the surgery floor. That was weird. Ive never had surgery before. I got up to the surgery floor and the anesthesiologist informed me that instead of an epidural they were just going to put me under for the procedure. I was a little nervous but I'm glad that's what they did. I woke up and they took me back to my room. Mike and the kids and Marilyn were all there. It was so cute to see Mike pacing with her. He handed her off to me and then they went to get lunch. Emma and I layed in the bed and rested.

We came home on Tuesday the 28th. So far things are good. Shes really a good baby. Although I suppose that could change :). It will be interesting to see how her personality develops and who she will look like. I feel like our family is complete. The last piece of the puzzle so to speak. Mike loves to hold her and stare at her. Hes a wonderful father. I love him so much. We also celebrated our 4th anniversary this week. Its been busy.

Emma Jane Morrison, you are beautiful and Im so glad you made it here! I love you.

Counting Down the Days

I am counting down the days until my little girl is here. Emma Jane will be here sometime soon. Hopefully in the next 11 days. I just don't think I can stand to go past my due date. As I count down the days I am reminded that this is my last child. I'm somewhat torn because although I should be cherishing these last few days I feel unable to because I am in so much pain and I just want it to be over. I have never had this pain before, walking is very painful as is laying in bed. I haven't slept much over the last few weeks.
 Of course its not all bad. She doesn't have very much room in there so I see almost every movement she makes. Ive gotten all her clothes put away and I have packed my bag for the hospital with some very cute clothes to bring her home in. I wish I had a nursery to put her in or at least a space of her own but I know that it wont be too much longer before I can do that. In the mean time we will make do with the space we have. I am looking forward to meeting her and feeling like our family is complete.

Emma Jane Morrison will hopefully be making her grand entrance into the world soon. Until then I will try my best to enjoy the movements in my belly I will never feel again.

Life is Good

Lately Ive sort of been taking an inventory of my life thus far. Thinking to myself, am I satisfied?, are things going the way I want?, has my life gone in the direction I want it to? The answers I have come up with are yes and no.

Yes I am satisfied with some things. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and one due later this month. I'm able to be home with them for the time being and I love every minute of it. My husband is a good, no great man. He takes care of me and loves me in spite of my temper and stubbornness. He takes care of me and the kids by working at a job he really doesn't care for. But hes in the process of going to school so that he can give himself the satisfaction of doing something with his life and give us the life he thinks we deserve. My kids are great. They are well behaved and smart. When it comes down to it I really have good kids. I haven't had a lot of problems with either of them thus far. Nothing serious anyway (although I realize this could change come teen years.)

My life hasn't gone exactly the way I planned though. I have been in love with Mike since the day I saw him. I always thought we would end up together. But there came a time when he wanted to go and "sew his wild oats" so to speak. We were separated for 6 years. I married someone else, mainly out of spite (which I wouldn't recommend) and spent 5 years miserable with someone who really didn't love me once I got fat. I realize now that my ex-husband really only loved me when I was thin and what he considered beautiful. Oh well, not much of a loss there. I never went to college although I have made two attempts at it. Each time I realized that I'm not interested in what college has to offer. There's lots out there I want to learn about but I find that I can just as easily read a book on that particular topic. Who knows maybe later in life I will pursue a career but for now I like to title of mom. There isn't much I can think of that I feel has gone undone, nothing unfinished.

Of course not all things are peachy keen. Michael and I aren't perfect. I'm not claiming we are. We have our moments. After all we are both first born children and thus are both headstrong. We tend to butt heads a lot. But we always make up and for the most part things are great. I love him more today than I did years ago. We don't have our own place right now and sometimes that causes issues in our life. That coupled with having two cars that are on the brink of taking a dive every other day makes stress levels high. We try hard not to take it out on each other but sometimes it just happens. We've decided to put buying a house on hold in order to get a new car. After all Mike has to get to work. We're thinking maybe rent to own or lease purchase come income tax season. It will all work out. This I know for sure.

Life is good for the most part. I shouldn't complain. I have more than some people out there. I may not have a place of my own, but at least we have a roof over our heads. We may not have new cars but at least we have a car. I'm looking forward to the birth of our third child, our family will feel complete. I thank God for all hes given us.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, Our Trip to Claremore

The Good, the bad and the ugly. Sunday was about all three. We got up at a decent time and I was trying to think about something we could do that might be fun and different but also not cost us an arm and a leg. I have several brochures from the Oklahoma tourism group. I was looking through one of them when I came across an ad for the largest Totem Pole located in Foyil, Oklahoma. I thought that might be fun. To get there you have to go through Claremore Oklahoma. While we were going through Claremore we passed by the J.M. Davis Arms and Historical Museum. Mike looks at me and says why don't we got there instead. So we went there instead. Outside the museum they have guns painted on the sidewalk as you walk up.

 Inside there are tons of guns all kinds, all sizes. Its amazing. Admission is free but they do suggest a donation. We spent the better part of two hours wandering around. The kids seems to really enjoy it. They even have a model train room. Conor really liked that. We went through the gift shop and I bought some post cards and a shot glass.

We got done and decided to head home. On the way we stopped at a Quiktrip to get drinks. I came out and we were about to get on our way when low and behold the Jeep wouldn't start. Sometimes the Jeep has a problem with a misconnection and we have to sort of "play" with the gear shift to get it to connect. After doing this for about 30 minutes we decided that maybe it wasn't that after all. We tried to call several people. I have road service through my cell phone so I called to find out what it would cost to have the car towed. After finding out it would cost $115 to have the car towed we decided to leave it there and have someone come get us. We called Mike Mom who was out and about. She came and got us and by the time we came home we were all drenched in sweat and tired. The next day I called a friend of mine to go back out there with me to see if maybe I could fiddle with it a little and try to get it started. It didn't and that's when I decided we were probably going to have to have it towed after all. I picked up Mike from work and told him the news. We got home and I called the roadside service again. They told me that they could have someone there in 30 minutes. I hopped in the car and drove back out to Claremore. The tow guy showed up and off we went. We got the car back home and within about 10 minutes Mikes dad had it running. Needless to say I was pretty upset. I spent $90 to have a car towed when all I had to do was tap on the starter to get it to start. I might was well have flushed the money down the toilet. But the car is home I guess that's all that matters. I have to give a big shout out to Quiktrip for being so nice about us leaving our car overnight. the day wasn't all bad. We did get to see a pretty cool museum and something different for a change.

Grooming Little Boys to Become Men

Over the past few months I have been giving a lot of thought towards what kind of men I want my sons to be. I spend all day with my boys. My husband works days but when he is home he spends as much time as he can with the boys trying to teach them things about being men. Mike is a great man and I know my boys will be just as great. While he is away I try to teach them things as well. Just today I spent some time showing Jordan how to clean the bathroom. Then we moved onto the laundry. I just wanted him to sort the clothes. Finally he was to put away his clothes and make his bed. I'm not trying to make my boys into girls but I think it is important to teach boys how to take care of themselves. Yes they may someday have a wife who will take care of them but I feel they need to self-sufficient also.

Jordan was asking me why he was having to do all these chores. I explained that I feel its important for a guy to know how to do his own laundry, dishes and keep himself clean as well. I told him that no girl wants to come over and see her boyfriend in his house that has dirty clothes all over the place, a sink full of dirty dishes and he smells because he hasn't bathed for a week. He just laughed. I make my boys bathe everyday during the summer and every other day during the winter. Jordan and eventually Conor need to learn the basics. We've been teaching Conor how to pick up his toys and he loves baths so that's an easy one. I will eventually teach Jordan how to use the washing machine and to do the dishes by hand in case he doesn't have a dish washer. Another thing I think is important is cleaning up after yourself. Especially spills. Just the other day Conor spilled some juice on the floor and went and got a hand towel without me even knowing he'd spilled it in the first place. I only found out when he came and handed me the towel. I have two wonderful and smart boys. I hope someday they find a woman who will take care of them but in the mean time they'll be caring for themselves.

The ending of one chapter, the beginning of another......

I am 30 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I have a little over 2 months until I will begin a new chapter in my life. I am about to have a little girl. I already have two boys so this is going to be so different. But I am also looking forward to the changes. Last December Mike and I decided that we should try to have another baby, our last. We discussed the possibility that we could end up with another boy but decided in the end to give it one more shot at having a girl. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we made the decision.

I went to the doctor for my first ultrasound with my mind set on it being a boy so imagine my surprise when she told me its a girl. I was shocked, happy, nervous and skeptical all at the same time. At that moment right there I made the decision that after having this child I would for sure be having my tubes tied. I took Mike the ultrasound photos right after I left the doctor. He couldn't believe it. Later that evening when he got home we sat down to discuss whether or not we wanted to leave open the possibility to have any more. After a little bit of talking we decided together that we didn't want to leave it open.

This is a big deal I know. Its the closing of a big part of my life. As I sit here typing the baby is moving around like shes doing gymnastics in there and I think to myself I will never have this feeling again. As much as I don't like being pregnant the movement of the baby is most amazing. I also think to myself that it will be nice to not have to worry about getting pregnant. There are down sides I know but for Michael and I this is the best choice for our family. I have a few reasons for not wanting anymore children. I want to finally lose all the weight without the thought that 'whats the point if I'm just going to get fat again having another child?' We want to get to the point where our kids are grown and we can start to "grow old" together, do things as a couple. I want to focus on the ones I have. Plus I think this is probably all we can afford in the long run.

I am enjoying the last few weeks I have before she arrives, napping when I can, getting the house ready, just relaxing with Mike and the kids before we have a baby in the house. I am also enjoying the feeling of being pregnant. This decision also begins a chapter in my life, one that will be exciting and frightening all at the same time. Our family will feel complete. Mike, me, Jordan, Conor and Emma. I look forward to all the things that we will do and experience as a family and I hope you all will join us on the journey.

Morrison Camping Adventures 2010

Camping. I never went as a kid. My dad worked away a lot and my mom is not the outdoorsy type. Mike decided that we should take a camping trip to Keystone Lake. I got online and found out all the information about where to go and how much it costs to camp out in a tent. We decided to go to Walnut Creek State Park. Located near Prue Oklahoma its really pretty. It didn't take us long to get out there and once we were there we unloaded the car and started to set up camp.

It wasn't difficult to get the tent up although we discovered the other tent was broken so we all crammed into one tent. Which wasn't to bad, I slept on a blow up mattress with Conor and Mike and Jordan slept on the floor next to us. After we got the tent set up Mike started on dinner.

We decided to have hot dogs for dinner since they would be easy to cook over a fire pit. Just as we started to cook dinner I heard what I thought was thunder. The wind started to pick up and sure enough it started to rain. Luckily I had put the cover over the tent by that time so we could sit in the tent and be sheltered from the rain. Although it was very hot in the tent we tried to make the best of it. It wasn't too long before the rain quit and we were back to sitting out in the chairs. We even walked down to the water to check it out to see if we wanted to go swimming. We decided not to in the end.

We all tried to lay down about 10pm, Conor was having too much fun and didn't want to lay down and I was too hot to care if he did or not. I laid on the mattress while Mike sat out in the chair, the air was cool from the rain and we had a decent breeze off the water. But of course it started to rain again. So we zipped up the tent and tried to go to sleep. I faded in and out, camping is not for pregnant women, but for the most part I had a good time. It was really humid and because I was so sticky I opted to just sleep in the clothes I had on rather than try to change into something else. Plus the only place to change was the bathroom and it was bug central. The toilets were clean but there were bugs everywhere, crickets, spiders, beetles, grasshoppers, you name it it was probably in there. I had to flush the toilet just to get rid of the bugs that were in it, I didn't like the idea of sitting on the toilet with bugs jumping around in the bowl, what if one jumped on me? I shouldn't complain at least I had an actual toilet to use.

Around five in the morning I was woken up but a very loud rustling sound. By then the rain had quit and we had the door to the tent open for a breeze. I sat up and asked Mike if he heard that. He popped up and looked around. Then he says "Oh its just a raccoon." I look out my "window" and sure enough there's this little raccoon staring back at me very close to the tent. Mike zips up the tent and I hear the rustling again. I realize at this time that the raccoon has gotten ahold of the bag of chips we had sitting up against the tent. This is a brave little raccoon, we had the bag of chips laying up against the tent right by the door. For about 10 minutes  hear rustle, rustle, crunch, crunch, then nothing. I decide hes gone onto better things and I try to go back to sleep. I find out in the morning he took the bag and ripped a hole in the bottom to better access the chips. I guess he didn't see they were already open. (LOL)

Around six I decide to get up, Jordan is up also, Mike and Conor are still sleeping. The sun is peaking over the water and I'm so uncomfortable I don't care what time it is. I got out of the tent and sat down in one of the chairs. I start to look around wondering where the little raccoon went off to. As I'm looking around I see three trees across the street full of some kind of bird. I then watched more of them fly overheard and land in the trees. I asked Mike later and he says they're turkey buzzards. As I sit there I can hear all kinds of sounds. I hear an owl, a woodpecker, a variety of birds and of course flies buzzing. I can also hear geese flying overhead, it was neat to watch them land in the water in an amazing formation. As I'm sitting there I see the turkey buzzards spreading their wings. At first I thought it was two males telling each other "hey this is my tree" but Mike said he thought they were warming their wings in the sun which made sense considering they didn't start it until the sun was all the up.

Mike and Conor don't get up until around 7:45. By then Jordan and I are starving. So we open up the doughnuts I brought and start tearing down the campsite. Mike and Jordan take down the tent, I start folding blankets and loading up the smaller items and Conor plays in the dirt. It doesn't take long to get everything loaded up and we're on our way. At this point I have never felt more disgusting and I smell bad. I call first dibs on a shower and off we go. Since we're not that far from home we get back around 9 a.m. I immediately head for a shower. I send the kids up to their room for a nap so that Mike and I can lay down.

All in all it wasn't too bad for my first camping experience. It was would have been nice if it hadn't rained but hey this is Oklahoma. I really enjoyed hearing all the birds. I would have liked to go swimming but that's alright I'm sure we'll do this again. I didn't even mind the raccoon. I was actually amused by it. I look forward to going again. Although next time I think Id like to go in the spring or the early fall. I don't mind the heat but not when your almost 8 months pregnant!

Nesting

Nesting. Something I really hadn't thought about before today. This is my third child and I think this is the first time I have really noticed that I have entered the "nesting" phase of pregnancy. Lately it has been really bad. I look around the house and I am disgusted. Its not that the house is really filthy its just very disorganized. Maybe its just the nesting feeling I'm having I'm not sure. I have a routine down when it comes to the housework. I clean the kitchen everyday, wiping off cabinets, the stove and doing the dishes before bed. I sweep, mop the floors and vacuum three times a week. I clean the bathrooms twice a week and do the laundry at least twice a week depending on what needs to be washed. But there's other things that I feel aren't up to my standards.

First of all the kids room is in dire need of organizing. Jordan is really good about keeping his room clean. He picks it up and puts clothes away but there are toys in there that I know they don't play with so its time once again to go through them and donate what they don't play with. Thankfully we'll be moving out of this house before the baby gets big enough to have her own space so in the mean time I just have to manage one kids room. So today I decided it was time to go out to the shed and dig out the futon frame so that I could get Jordan and Conors bed off the floor. It makes the room look more organized and clean. It was a booger to get out and figure out how to put it together but Jordan and I got it together and the room already looks better.

Second of all our bedroom needs to be cleaned and organized. It seems to always be messy. But that's one door I can close so I don't stress to much about it. That's the next room I will conquer. I need to de-clutter alot of the house. We are limited to space since it isn't our house but I think I can get it where I want it to be before the baby gets here.

Its hard to explain the "nesting" feeling to those who have never been pregnant. I didn't even realize that's what I was feeling until I was reading a recent email from Parents Magazine. I like to be organized, clean and orderly. It doesn't always happen when I want it to but I think for the most part that the house is clean and tidy on a pretty regular basis. I like to have the housework done in the morning before I leave for the day and if I have nowhere to go I have it done before Mike gets home. I don't ask much of him because his day job is so hard. As I look forward to the next few weeks of "nesting" time before the baby gets there I have to stop and think about all I need to get done. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed but I know that I can get it done. I will be prepared when she gets here and things will be wonderful!

Rain, Rain, Go Away

We've all heard the saying before, rain, rain, go away, come again another day. Rain. It can be cleansing, destructive and productive. I find days when it rains hard because there aren't too many free things to do indoors and it makes me sleepy. But then I think what can we do when its raining indoors at home. So I get together with the kids and we think of ideas. We could play a game together. We could watch a movie together. We could color or draw. We could read. Right now since we've had a somewhat busy day the boys are resting in their room and I'm resting in mine. This can mean take a nap or just lay in their bed. They can even play.

A little thunderstorm every now and then is nice. I love to hear the thunder and see the lightening as long as I'm not out in it. There's something about watching a good storm. When I look out at the sky I cant help but wonder what the Great Flood was like. Seeing all the rain rise and rise as the days went by. I can only imagine what it was like for those not on the Ark. I myself have never been in a horrible storm. I live in Florida most of my life and never really saw a hurricane, and Ive lived here in Tulsa for 17 years and Ive never seen a tornado in person. Gods wrath with weather is amazing and scary at the same time.

So on days like today when I'm inside contemplating what to do I think maybe I should just sit back and enjoy the time I have inside. Its quiet and I know that in 11 weeks it wont be. God gives us the rain. I should be thankful and I am. I am thankful to God for all things no matter how small. Including the weather. Just something to think about considering its probably going to rain most of the week. 

Brothers

Brothers. A bond I will never understand. Jordan and Conor are brothers. Even though they are 6 years apart they are very close. Jordan is so protective of Conor. Conor really misses Jordan when he is not here. Now we're about to have a little girl in the house. I had sisters. I know the bond between sisters, that I understand. But boys are different. They show emotions different, they play different, everything seems different. It will be interesting to see how a little girl affects their dynamic. I hope they will embrace her and all be close as they grow.

I know the strife's that siblings can go through. The things that can come between. May it be something small or something big they can rip families apart. I myself have seen it with my Mom and her sisters. They are no longer as close as they were when they were younger. My sisters and I haven't been as close as I would like in the past few years but hopefully motherhood will bond us once again.

The bond of brothers goes back to the beginning. Brothers doesn't always have to mean blood brothers. Jordan and Conor share the same mother but different dads. I have never used the term "step-brothers", I feel they are brothers, that's it. I love to watch them together. They have so much fun together, watching movies, playing with their toys and going outside. I love to hear them talk to each other, especially now that Conor is talking more and more. I love to check in on them at night and see them sharing the bed. Its so cute.

My hope for their lives is that they will remain close. That they will never forget the bond they have.

Mid Summer Madness

Here we are, July, mid summer. I haven't accomplished all I thought I would have by now, but hopefully the next few weeks will bring more productivity. I like being home with the kids, being able to get out everyday if I want or stay home and just relax. As I prepare for the birth of our third child I keep wondering how I am going to manage it all. Having a toddler, newborn and homeschooling for the first time. But I have a little bit until she arrives so in the mean time I am trying to enjoy just being able to take my time in doing things. I have a schedule on the house work so I make sure that its done before Mike gets home. Ive been trying to take the kids somewhere at least every other day. We've been going swimming a lot lately and they really love it. I've also been spending time online looking at ordering Jordans school curriculum for the upcoming school year. I have to say I am more than a little excited about getting the books and getting his schedule ready. I also have lots of ideas on mini field trips we can take throughout the year.

I have also been working on my For Ladies Only business, booking parties and getting my 'kit' ready. I love these parties. They are loads of fun and I can make more in one night than I can in one week at a part-time job. Plus I have the added benefit of being able to still be home during the day but still make money to help out with expenses.

Summer, I love summer. I like the heat even though I may complain, I find it easier to cool off than to warm up which is why I hate winter so much. The only really nice thing about winter is snuggling under the covers with Mike. I love sunny days, I do so much better in sunlight. I'm looking forward to the next month or so before school starts and the baby gets here. A time when I can take it slow and relax when I want.

Labor and Delivery.....

I am now 26 weeks along, I have 14 to go. I am counting down the days, waiting the arrival of our daughter. We have chosen the name Emma Jane. Of course if for some reason this turns out to be a boy then his name will be Arnold Scott. I had a doctors appointment last week regular check-up and glucose test. While I was there he asked me what kind of pain meds I would want. I asked " you mean like an epidural?" I said "I wont be having one." He said " Are you sure?" I said "yes I am sure, I had both my kids naturally." He said "Oh so you know whats coming." I was like yeah. I hate the idea of a giant needle penetrating my spine.

Labor and Delivery. Ive done it twice and it was very different. When I had Jordan, I woke up in the middle of the night because I though I kept having to use the bathroom, except it was pink. I went to the hospital about 4 a.m. they kept me for a few hours and then the nurse came in handed me a sleeping pill and said they were sending me home. So I went down to the lobby and waited for my husband (now ex) and dad to get the cars. While standing there I felt it, my water broke! So back up we went. I slept for quite awhile. Then came time, at 235 p.m. here he was. I had taken Lamaze so it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Conor was a different story. I started having contractions on a Friday. I didn't realize that's what was happening since I really didn't have any with Jordan until I was already in the delivery room. All day Friday and Saturday I kept having them. Mike had a game Saturday night and I was at home counting to see how far apart they were. By the time he got home I said "I'm sorry, I know your tired but I think its time." So off we went. We got to the hospital at about 300 a.m. and the contractions were bad. Really bad. I asked the nurse about the epidural. I never thought in a million years I would ask for that. She said she would get the anesthesiologist in there and we could get it done. But he was busy and by the time he was free I was too far along. I'm glad looking back though that he was busy. I don't think I could have handled that needle. The nurse had given me some kind of low dose pain meds in my IV and all it did was make me feel loopy. I didn't even realize when the doctor came in that it was time. All of the sudden it was time and at 633 am little Conor was here.

I love the fact that I have been able to have my kids naturally. Now don't get me wrong I don't think women who use epidurals are weak or any less of a woman. Its a very personal choice. Mine is all about the needles. I hate having a needle in my body for any length of time. My mom thinks this is funny because I have so many tattoos but tattoo needles are a different kind of needle. Anyway. I'm looking forward to having this baby, naturally. It will be bittersweet. I'm looking forward to having her but knowing its my last is kind of sad. But we're complete. So heres to the next 14 weeks, hopefully I can survive it! :)

Nine years later......

Tomorrow my oldest child will be 9! That may not seem that old to those with older children but for me its a big deal. Hes only one year away from double digits! Jordan Michael Sumner was born on June 13, 2001 at 2:35 in the afternoon. I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and what I thought to be a not too bad delivery considering it was my first and I had no drugs. I was scared as to what kind of mom I would be. Jordan is an amazing child. Hes been through a lot in the last 9 years. My marriage to my first husband wasnt one of love and kindness. Jordan saw a lot he probably shouldnt have which is just one of the many reasons I finally chose to leave my ex. During the divorce he didnt seem fazed although Im sure deep down somewhere he is he just doesnt show it. Then I met up again with an old flame and Jordan seemed to really take to him. Mike moved in and Jordan just went with the flow. They have fun together and Mike loves him like hes his own. Now he gets to see a loving, caring relationship. Within months of Mike and I getting married I was pregnant. I was scared that Jordan would think I was trying to replace him. But in the end I couldnt have been more wrong. Conor Kael was born on November 11th 2007 at 6:30 in the morning. From the very beginning Jordan has been like a second care giver. Hes very protective of Conor and helps him to do things and of course teaches him things. Even though they are 6 years apart they are two peas in a pod. Very close. I am of course thrilled.

Now Im pregnant with baby number 3, a girl and although hes a little apprehensive I know that he'll be a great brother to her. I couldnt be more proud of Jordan. Hes a really big helper when it comes to any chores that need to be done. He really loves Conor and they have fun together. He was doing okay in public school but when the teacher decided she was going to hold him back and I said no lets try homeschooling he just went along with it and he has done so well that we're going to continue. He didnt even mind not being in a public school setting. Even though I know he misses his friend from school. I cant wait to see what the next 9 years will bring. By then he'll be 18! Right now though Im enjoying him being young and naive. So much out there that I dont want him to have to experience. Heres to you kid!

Surprise.....Its a girl!

So I went to the doctor today for my ultrasound to find out if the baby is doing well and what the sex is. I got a huge surprise. I was laying on the table talking to the ultrasound tech about my baby registry. I mentioned that I didn't have much on the registry because I believed this baby to be a boy and already had most of the 'boy' stuff. She says to me " you might want to expand your registry." I said " and why?" Shes says "because its a girl." I said "no way!" I couldn't believe it! She turned the screen toward me and showed me, sure enough its a girl. Now of course nothing is 100% but she said "I'm 99% sure that its a girl." After having 2 boys and ultrasounds with both, I can tell you this when I was looking at the screen I definitely did not see what the ultrasound tech would call a "turtle-head". Nothing poking out of the bottom area, so yes I'm sure shes accurate when she says its a girl.

I have no girl names picked out at this time. I have a few that I like but nothing that has stuck. Mike and I will have to sit down and talk about it. Maybe this time Ill be able to pick out the name since I didn't get to pick out either boy name. (I'm not bitter about that I told Mike to just pick a name and he did wonderfully I think) My first thought is "what am I to do with a girl?" I love my boys and I know I will love this little girl too. I love the idea of putting dresses on her and combing her hair. Its scary though. Girls can be so emotional and dramatic. Not that my boys cant be dramatic.

Michael is so happy. Hes been wanting a little girl and now he will have one. Had we had another boy we were considering adoption. It will be nice to have a little girl last because I am ready to be done having children. Michael and I had a long talk about whether or not we should have another baby after this one. We've decided to call it quits after this. We both agreed that given our age and where we are in our life we're ready to stop. But now hes got his little girl and things are complete.

On an even better note my sister called me today to tell me that she is also pregnant! Due in January, our kids will only be 4 months apart! Life is good and I have God to thank for it!

Family Vacation

This year we got to take a family vacation to Silver Dollar City. I had never been there before. We left for our journey Friday May 14th at 1pm arriving in Branson at around 530 pm. We had dinner at Rib Crib and then set off for our hotel. When we arrived at the hotel Mike and I decided that we would take the boys down to the indoor pool and let them blow off some steam before bed. It was so nice. A heated pool and we had it all to ourselves. Jordan and Conor had a blast swimming around before we went back to our room to relax.

The next morning we awoke at around 630 am. We wanted to be able to get to the park early so we could eat at The Mill Restaurant before entering the park.

                                                                     

 In the restaurant Mike, Steve, Heather, Tony, Conor and I sat at one table and the kids at another. About halfway through breakfast I said to Heather that I felt really short sitting at the table because it seemed really tall and then we all noticed that the table had been slowly lifting up while wed been eating. They call them "trick tables." It was lots of fun. We all finished up and we off to enter the park.

The front part of the park is really pretty. Lots of beautiful trees and flowers and of course the Silver Dollar City sign. As we entered the park there was a clock with the correct time and day but the year was set somewhere in the past.....

                                                                                                                                            

We entered the park and prepared to start seeing the sights. We went everywhere, to every shop and watched everything. They have a wide variety of things to look at. There's a leather shop, a knife shop, a blacksmith, quilts, candy, candles, a bakery and everything in between. The blacksmith is really something to see.

Then of course there were the rides. Mike, Jordan and Steve went on Thunderation first. Then over to Wildfire and Fire in the Hole. I rode the Flooded Mine because we could all go on it and it was safe for me. They also rode The American Plunge, a water log ride. All in all Jordan seemed to really be having a good time. For most of the day it rained off and on. I really didn't like the rain but it was still loads of fun.

There was also a train there that took you around and while on the train two "outlaws" would "rob" the train. Very funny to watch and be involved in. Conor really enjoyed the train. It was the only thing he was tall enough to ride besides The Flooded Mine. I had so much fun watching the kids enjoy the attractions.

We wrapped up the day with a little shopping and then headed out to grab dinner. After dinner we drove around the main drag in Branson just looking around. There is so much to do. I really want to go back and take to kids to The Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum, The Titanic Museum and The Wax Museum. We ended up eating at Wendy's before heading back to the hotel. When we got back we were all tired and decided to skip swimming and just lay in bed so off we went to our room.

I got up early the next morning so I could go down to the continental breakfast. It was really nice. Then it was back to the room to finish getting ready and pack. I got back to the room and finished packing. Just as I got everything back into the suitcases I heard it, a loud clang of thunder. I opened the curtains only to find it pouring rain. My first thought was 'okay I'm ready to head back to Tulsa.' But I didn't have a say so off we went to the park. When we got into the truck it started to taper off and I saw a ray of hope that we might have a somewhat dry day. Not so much. By the time we arrived at the park maybe 10 minutes later it was pouring and blinding while we drove. We parked and ran as fast as we could to the tram that would take us to the front gate. We arrived at the gate and exited then started to walk toward the entrance. It was still pouring and my feet were getting wet because there were huge puddles everywhere. We got to the bakery and all bought ponchos, boy was that fun.

We decided to go ahead and try to enjoy the day. I was thinking yeah right, but actually it turned out to be a pretty good day. Around 1 or so it dried out and the sun began to shine so we took advantage of it and let the kids ride The Lost River of the Ozarks.

Mike, Tony, Katy, Becca, Jake, and Jordan all rode on of the wettest rides at the park. And of course they rode it twice! But they did have fun and that's all that matters. Jordan, Becca and Katy got soaked the most.

Afterward we all went off to the front of the park to do some last minute shopping. By this time I was really starting to feel the effects of being pregnant and swollen. I was ready to leave. We found the tram and went back to our car. Just as we go into the truck to leave it started to pour rain again. We left just at the right time. Although I was glad to be out of the rain I was a little sad to leave. There was so much I wanted to do still but I was also ready to head home to my own bed. We decided we would eat in Branson. We ended up eating at a combination KFC/Long John Silvers. Afterward we got into the truck and were Tulsa bound. We arrived in Tulsa around 745 pm. I was so glad to be home. It will be nice if next year we can take the kids and just go to Branson. I look forward to many more family vacations and memories for the kids.

Me, home school??!!

I want to home school my kids. I never thought I would utter those words. I enrolled Jordan in school as is tradition when he was 5 years old. He went to Robertson Elementary here on the west side of Tulsa. A school that my mother, husband and various other people I know went to. Its a nice school. Class sizes weren't as big as other schools and its got a hometown feel to it. He went there for kindergarten, and 2nd grade.( He went to a school in Sand Springs for 1st grade.) After 2nd grade I was unsatisfied with his progress, mainly in Math. He had a good teacher, she was attentive and would help as much as she could, yet he was still not doing as well as I thought he should be. I got a job and my mother watched the kids until she got a job shortly before school started up again last year. My sister in law has offered to watch Conor for me while I worked. She home schools her three kids. One evening while talking to Mike I was saying how I was nervous about Jordan's upcoming school year. I felt like he wasn't ready to move to 3rd grade and the teacher had already mentioned holding him back. Then it happened, Mike asked me if we thought that he should be home schooled with his sisters kids. I thought about it long and hard and in the end decided why not? By the first "report card" his grade had improved dramatically from the previous year. I was thrilled. On top of that Jordan seemed less stressed. As the year went by I thought more and more about what we were going to do for the next school year.

I started thinking about home schooling Jordan myself. I thought, "could I do it?", "how would I do it?", and of course "when would I do it?" I decided that I would at least try. Then it happened, I got pregnant again and that sort of sealed it. I got laid off at the job I was at and we had just moved in with my father-in-law to save money so it seemed like everything was falling into place. This is not a decision I have made lightly or without caution. I am nervous, I'm holding my kids' future in my hands and I want to the best I can to give them what they need. What they need? What does that even mean? I wasn't sure where to start but thankfully I have my sister in law to sort of guide me in the right direction.

Her first "direction" took me to the Eastern Oklahoma Home school Convention. I wasn't sure what to expect but they offered lots of workshops that I was interested in and felt like I should attend considering this is my first year to do this by myself. The convention was 2 days. I went to several workshops that I felt would help guide me on this journey. I learned a lot and got lots of good information. One thing that kept sticking out was the idea that public schools put kids into boxes and categories. They teach on kind of learning style and if your kid doesn't fit that then they will most likely not do as well as he or she could. One of the speakers said something that really hit me. She was telling a story about a mom who kept saying her son was behind and her response was "behind according to whose standards." That sort of made me feel better. If I had kept Jordan in public school he would be a year behind all of his friends. I hated the idea of holding him back a year. But with home schooling I didn't have to worry about that. I love the idea that he and I can look at what he wants to learn, we can go on unlimited field trips and take our time on a subject if he isn't ready to move on. He wont be pressured to move on if he isn't ready. There are so many ideas that I have for next school year I cant wait to get started. I have looked at several curriculum and I think I have found one that will suit what I am wanting for my kids.

Home schooling, I never thought that I would be the least bit interested. Its scary and exciting at the same time. This first year will be a great challenge. Not only is it my first go at this I will also have a new born and a toddler in the house. But I feel this is the best thing I can do for the kids. I am very unhappy about the state of Oklahoma's public schools. I know most of you must be thinking "what about socialization?" I already have that covered. Not only can we spend time with my sister in laws kids, there is a local home schooling sports group I am looking into, not to mention the music classes and art classes I am already looking into for him to attend. Plus he has church and I make an effort for him to see his friend from public school and my cousins two boys and my friends two boys. Its not like he has no one.

This will be such an adventure for us this year. Please keep us in your prayers. I'm going to be keeping a seperate blog on my home schooling adventure. I hope you all will be interested in reading my journey.

Love at first sight or lust at first sight?

Love at first sight? Does it exist or is it more lust at first sight? For me I wouldn't say that it was necessarily love at first sight but I definitely felt something. I met Michael at Carbondale Baptist Church. I still remember what he was wearing the first time I saw him. A plaid polo shirt and jeans. He looked so good in those jeans. He still looks good in jeans. From the moment I saw him I felt like he had some sort of hold on me. Something I still cant explain. I remember meeting his mother. She was a big figure in the church. I remember something she said to me that at the time I thought "yeah okay", she said to me " someday you'll marry my son".

I'm thinking of this because well my mother seems very much in love with someone shes only known about a month. There are those out there who don't think that this is possible but I believe its possible. I believe it because Ive felt it. Michael is my soul mate. We just clicked. Even though it took us 10 years to finally get together it was well worth the wait. Ive been in love with Michael since I was 16. Fourteen years now. We've had ups and downs, been off and on for what seemed like forever and yet here we are. We've been married for four years now and things are good. We are in a transition: living with his dad, trying to get Mike back in to school and of course the baby that's on the way. I think this will be a good year for us though.

It pretty much comes down to what do you feel? I have felt for years now that Michael and I were meant to be together. We have something that I cant explain. I'm sure others have this. I'm glad my mother has found it as well. For the first time in as long as I can remember my mother is happy. Really happy, not just faking it happy. Ive also done the faking it happy and its no way to live a life. So love or lust at first sight? I guess both can find you what you want. Love, aint it grand?

My Mother, Dating?!

My parents separated about 2 years ago. As most of you know this was a very nasty divorce and a time I don't want to relive. I knew in the back of my mind that my parents hadn't been happy for a long time. Divorce never entered into the equation. I'm glad it did though. It gave my mom the chance to find herself and be happy, really happy, I think for the first time ever. Or at least as long as I can remember.

Shes been seeing a guy. I haven't met him yet but from what I can tell hes making her very happy. You never really think about your parents dating or doing anything else for that matter. My mom hasn't been out of her "comfort" zone ever as far as I knew. But shes been venturing out a little bit more here and there. From what she describes he seems very nice, stable and may turn into something long-term. But I'm not going to jump ahead to much. I don't think shes quite ready for us to meet him, for some reason she thinks we wont approve. I think as long as hes good to her, honest, and they have a good time together, I already approve.

I have been very blessed in who I am married to. Hes very good to me. Sometimes I think I don't deserve him. When my parents divorced I had a hope that my mom would find someone like Mike. Good, honest, God-loving and someone to grow old with. Maybe just maybe this will be the one that will be just what shes looking for.

Hopefully soon Ill get to meet him. If hes going to be a central figure in my mothers life Id like to at least meet the guy. Shes like what I and Mike were like when we first got together. We couldn't get enough of each company, still cant for that matter and we'll be married 4 years this year. Like teenagers. I wish her all the best, she deserves it after what my dad put her through.

Heres to you Mom!

15 weeks and counting

I am now at 15 weeks, only 5 weeks to go and I'm halfway through this. I have felt small flutters of life in there. For me that's when it really becomes real, when the baby starts moving. I know that sounds crazy. Ive been feeling a bit better so hopefully this is a good sign of things to come. Mike and I have been talking about baby names. I'm only thinking of boy ones because I really believe this is a boy. Arnold is on the table again and quite frankly I like it. Its different. I like different. Hes also suggested Liam. I'm not to sure about that one but we still have 6 months to go so we'll see.

I have been thinking a lot about the coming months. I'm looking forward to taking the kids on some field trips to some cool places around Oklahoma. It will be a challenge being huge and having to deal with Conor, not that hes that hard its just hes a little more active than Jordan was at that age. I'll be taking the stroller and the "leash" with me wherever I go so it wont be that hard. As far as the baby goes, September cant come fast enough. I love the idea of having a baby around but its scary and exciting at the same time. Conor and this baby will be so close in age. I know women have done it before but not me. If I could have had my way I would have waited another 6 years but time isn't exactly on my side and I married Mike to be with him and be his wife not his baby machine.

Anyway I will keep posting if anyone's interested about the coming months. I'm even starting a new blog to talk about our summer adventures and the adventures we'll be taking next school year as I intend to take over Jordans homeschooling. It should be interesting so stay tuned.....

First Zoo Trip of the Year

So this year I decided that we should buy a season pass to the Tulsa Zoo. I received a postcard in the mail telling me that the family passes were going to be on sale for $54, but only for a limited time. So I looked at the calender and decided that I would take the kids on Friday March 19th. A friend of mine contacted me a few days before and asked me if I wanted to go with her and her boys. I said yes assuming I would feel like it. I made up my mind Thursday that I would make myself feel like it. 

We arrived at the Zoo at 10 a.m. and already the parking lots were filling up. I managed to get a really good spot and got the kids out and went up to the front. While I was waiting for my friend to arrive I got in line to buy the season pass.  It wasn't to long but it took about 30 min to get through. My friend arrived shortly behind me and got her pass and off we went.

The park was pretty full. It finally dawned on me that it was the last day of spring break and the last day before a "snow storm" was supposed to hit and that's why it was so full. We walked around and ate lunch and hit the gift shop. By the time we got ready to leave the park was so full you'd think it might bust. The little line I had been in to buy my pass was now about a 1/2 mile long and the line to get into the park was even longer. People were parked everywhere. Every space was taken and people had started parking on the grass even up to the main entrance. It was nuts. Getting out took about 10 min., not to bad.

I love the Zoo. I never get bored there. I like to go during the week when school is in so that the park isn't very full and I can really enjoy every animal. That's why I bought the pass so that I can take the kids over the summer and into next school year. I cant wait. I have so many things I want to do with the kids over the summer and into next school year. I ordered several brochures from the Oklahoma Tourism website and I have lots of ideas on where we can go and what we can do. Ill be posting a tentative schedule as soon as I receive the brochures. Even though I'm pregnant I cant spend the entire summer cooped up in the house, I'm ready to get out and get busy!

New Seasons Bring New Change.....

Well we're pretty much moved into my father-in-laws house. In a little over a week we've managed to get everything unpacked and stored away. He has this gorgeous 2-story, 4 bedroom home that has been sitting pretty much empty for awhile now.

 Hes graciously allowing us to live here while we save money to buy our own home next year. In the mean time we are here and I have to say, I love it. The kids can go in the back yard and play without me having to watch their every move.

There are other changes on the horizon. I am currently working on a stay at home business. More about that later. And as most of you know I have another child on the way. Come the fall when school starts again I'm hoping to start home-schooling Jordan myself. My sister-in-law has been home-schooling him this year and I cannot express enough how grateful I am. He has excelled in the home school setting and I would like to continue it. Now that I am not working and trying to get this business going I will have the time to school him. Of course I will need a lot of help so I'm hoping that she can teach me to be a good teacher to Jordan, Conor and Baby X.

Of course I cant ignore the changing season. Its beginning to look a lot like Spring around here in Tulsa. I love Spring and Summer. I grew up in Florida so I don't mind being hot. The only thing about this summer is I will be pregnant, big and pregnant. But again I prefer to be hot so Ill put up with it. Spring makes me feel like changing things. Usually I would start working out again in an effort to lose weight. But that's pointless this year. I am trying to be more conscience about my weight this pregnancy. The neighborhood around here is fabulous. Lots of hills to walk to get exercise and there's a park within walking distance if I want to take the kids to play. I fully intend to get out with the kids on a regular basis. I hate being cooped up in the house. Right now we are a one car family. I hate that. The fact that I don't have access to a car unless I get up early and take Mike to work makes me feel trapped. For now we will make this work but come Fall we will need a bigger car. Hopefully we'll be able to get one.

Lots of changes are going to happen this year. I'm looking forward to them all. I truly believe this is the year that Mike and I will finally be able to get things on track. We have been so blessed, I thank God everyday for everything hes given us.

Another Boy? Could it be???

So yesterday I went to the doctor for my first ultrasound. Im only 10 1/2 weeks so she couldnt tell me the sex but we got to talking about all the ways to possibly predict the sex without an ultrasound. Its still to early to see how Ill be carrying the baby so that ones out and Im not having any weird cravings. So I mentioned that I had checked the chinese birth chart. Here are my results:

Mother's Age at conception: -Select- 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45



Month of conception: -Select- January February March April May June July August September October November December


Predicted gender:  male

She said that she had also heard that the chinese birth chart to be accurate. I said yes but I was doing it purely for fun. Then I mentioned something else I had recently tried. I went to Walgreens and bought an Intelligender Gender Prediction Kit. Basically you pee into a cup and mix it in another cup and whatever color it turns thats what your having. If it stays yellow or turns orange its a girl and if it turns dark green its a boy.  (intelligender.com, they show sample results on the website if anyones interested in checking it out). I said that I had bought it just for the fun of it and the ultrasound lady said that theyre not just for fun. She said shes had 5 other patients tell her the same thing and all theirs were accurate. She said that she believes its a pretty accurate test. So when I took ours this past Tuesday it was.....green!!! Looks like another boy. Of course we would like a girl but looks like Im just destined to have boys. Oh well.

Of course we wont truly know for another 12 weeks but I think shes right and Im banking on another boy. In the mean time Im just trying to enjoy being pregnant as much as I can since this is going to be our last. Ill keep everyone posted on the progress and Ill get around to posting the pictures from the ultrasound soon.