E.S.F.J- Learning More About Myself

 Awhile back I saw a quiz that would tell me which Myers Briggs personality I have. I took it and discovered that I am an ESFJ: the caregiver. E: extrovert, S: sensing, F: feeling, J: judging. As I read the description it was like me on paper. I was surprised and not surprised at the same time.

Here's me in a nutshell. An ESFJs primary mode of living is externally where you deal with things according to how you feel. Your second mode is internal. We are people persons. We are extremely good at reading people and understanding their point of view. ESFJs take their responsibilities very seriously and are very dependable. We value security and stability. ESFJs are warm and energetic. We need approval from others to feel good about themselves (a trait I do not like). We are hurt by indifference and don't understand unkindness. We are giving people and get a lot of satisfaction from helping others.

With extroverted feeling dominating their personality we have a strong need to be liked and in control. We are extremely good at reading others and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they are with at the moment.

ESFJs value system is defined externally. We have very well-informed ideas about the way things would be and not shy about expressing them. ESFJs have a strong moral code.

ESFJ strengths:
- put forth a lot of effort to fulfill duties and obligations
- warm, friendly
-service oriented, want to please others
- responsible and practical
-generally good money managers
- traditionally minded and family oriented

ESFJ weakness: 
- generally uncomfortable with change
-extreme dislike for conflict and criticism
- need a lot of positive affirmation to feel good about themselves
- have a hard time accepting the end of a relationship, and are likely to take the blame on own shoulders
- have difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
- don't pay enough attention to themselves and may be self sacrificing
- may use guilt manipulation as a way to get what they want


As I read through all this I started to feel bad about these descriptions. I did not realize just how sensitive I am and that sometimes this is a hindrance. I read through all the other Myers Briggs personality types. Every time I take the test I get ESFJ.  Through this I have also discovered I am an ambivert more than I am an extrovert. I have both tendencies. I like to be around people but there comes a time when I really just want to be alone and do something that I want to do.

There is a large part of me that sees being an ESFJ embarrassing. I wish I was less feeling, less worried about if people like me or not. I have been this way my whole life but only as an adult am I able to put a name to it. I remember being in high school (at a school I didnt fit it at) wishing I could be a different person so I could have had more friends. Even now as an adult I find that rejection stings just as much as it did back then and I struggle with my feelings when I find out someone really doesnt care for me. I wonder, why doesnt this person like me? What is it about me? Did I say the wrong thing, do something wrong or what?

I just recently went through this with someone I thought was going to be a good friend to me. I helped her do a lot of things, offered my services to help organize and move things, offered to help her around town, hang out, etc. Instead she attached herself to another mutual friend and pretty much ditched me. It made me feel very low and I keep wondering why. I decided to put her permanently out of my life. Yet I still think about it.

I do not like being this kind of needy, sensitive person. I know it is who I am yet I have always identified myself as an independent person who is strong and can get through anything. Maybe I am a little of both. I am having a hard time accepting that I am ESFJ down to the last letter. I think I have trouble with it because it makes me sound shallow. I hate that I need approval from others to feel good about myself. I really am trying to change that.

I guess I wrote this so that people that know me will get a better sense of how I function.